the heart's a fragile thing

take out an artery, and you're done.

i've been thinking back a little bit, with my experiences in life thus far, and the thing i seem really deficient in is the lack of personal relationships. immediately after sandy, my epic-ex, there was kayla. shit, sandy was still living with me when kayla and i hooked up.. or should i say, kayla hooked me, line and sinker.

the night we hung out, we went to the beach and chatted. it was funny, the car ride there seemed so distant, but as soon as we hit the beach- BAM- it was on. after the tumultuous ending of sandy and i, she was the most refreshing thing, exaclty what i needed to absolutely get back on my feet. she fell into every ideal, nothing was there for me to really fault her on.

and when we kissed, it was amazing. after kissing the same lips for over 2 years, hers felt infinitely softer. after meaningless makeout sessions that droned on for the past year, this connection felt so genuine and true that i was.. falling in love.

it takes a lot to write that, because i was at such a weakened state. she had me in the palm of her hands, and before i knew it, it was gone. i was left with my heart in my hands after having just given it to her. maybe that's why i'm so weary about it happening again, because thought it wasn't anything devastating, it wasn't fun. it's so important finding out the intentions, so that if it is a time-bomb, i can lessen the impact of the blast.

and so, i fell too easily, and i can't help it, i just wanted to love, and love is all i wanted in return.

the story hasn't changed since. i'm still searching for that elusive girl to call my own.

~

You build atomic bombs, wage wars, murder, cheat, and lie to us and try to make us believe it is for our own good.

yet we're the criminals.