i cannot believe it's been as long as it has since i last wrote here. but enough excuses, i need to write. i can't help but feel my ability to transcribe my thoughts on paper has done nothing but deteriorate since i was 16. yes, i was at my writing peak at 16. what a damn shame, i was a ridiculous writing talent, something to be truly dealt with.
but then the internet strolled in, i think. i mean, i got broadband, and ~BAM~. that smart pretentious hieu slowly dwindle to this mushy piece of meat that now sits in front of this computer. and when i say mushy, i also mean physically as well, my gut has expanded to gross proportions since i stopped swimming a couple of weeks ago.
but why am i here tonight? what did i want to write about? i don't know, but it may have something to do with the gobs of positive experiences [mixed with the bad, of course] through the past year. maybe those times i've been bottling up my fears and doubts and my excitement and moments of glory should have been recorded in my words, because it's all too beautiful to leave to chance that memory will always serve you.
and for my future self, i apologize. i've always selfishly put down my words when things got rough and didn't put enough stock into those shining moments that you'd swear wouldn't be possible to forget.. except you do. tsk tsk, bad human tendencies, bad! but that's ok, that's where i come in now to add commentary about the bountiful and copious amounts of joy you've encountered in your life. the wrongs have been righted, the hurtful feelings have been removed, and life was given an eraser to start anew. everyday.
everyday. everyday. everyday is a new day. everyday is a new day to create experiences for the moment to add to the collection in the back, but dude, don't dwell on those, keep it going. look back and say, 'hey, that was an awesome time.' but don't let that define you and make that who you are. they're an accumulation of events and stories that make up your personality and ideals, but don't let them pigeonhole you into this entity that exists solely to boost your present day happenings.
but if i can say so myself, i'm doing a much better job of living. clarity comes with each day and eachexperience, but i think only if it's recognize. chocolate on my shirt. totally worth it.
