welp

bros before hos

chicks before dicks

you know what i mean. i know that you know those statements. it's 'the pledge', and a pledge amongst many, but this one extremely popular in the younger age group. i think us guys tend to use it a lot more often than the chicks, but i could be wrong, i don't hang out with too many hos. or chicks for that matter.

but that's besides the point.

what i'm going after is how many hos are out there? i know there are a ton of dicks, and a formidable amount of hos, but how many hos are selected as the wifey? look at it like this:

would you call your girl a ho? and where does bros before hos extend from? come on, if you had that cherry hot babe up top at your every need, how hard is it going to be to tear away and join up with your friends who [for the most part] don't lay a single seductive hand on your body? when you have someone to tend to your wants and desires, it becomes increasingly difficult to pull away. i understand this. do you? so, i'm not the least bit surprised when i hardly see my friends who are in relationships. they have their own thing going on, and if it's not higher in priority, then the relationship either;
a] isn't right, or
b] been going on for a long time.

friends can only offer so much. the personal relationship takes it to that next step, and offers what the former cannot.

so, before you go saying bros before hos, take a look in the mirror and understand how much you're lying to yourself.


ps. happy birthday to myself. technically, i'm 21 now. spiritually, i've been 21 for 9 months.

i just want

peace. love. happiness.

leave the complications to them. the life full of complexities and drama is not the life for me.

i have simple wants and needs, and the things outside of that do not concern me.

so with your overt materialism, leave. with your hypocritical manners, leave. your lack of compassion for your fellow man, leave. be gone, and leave me to continue on without the distractions you bring, without the fog of dismay you drag by your side.

don't take it for granted

at least not too much, it may become contagious.

'hieu, what are you talking about?'

i'm talking about your time, our time. it's limited, and we must realize the scope of it lies heavily upon our decisions on how to utilize it. please, don't take this as a carpe diem piece, in which i ask you to live everyday like it's your last. while it may be a tad presumptuous, i don't know anyone who does so, or has the energy to keep up with such a lifestyle.

i'm just asking you to hear my story, and take heed.

because i was in prison. i was in jail. i had my time taken away from me.. and when the situation became clear, i cried. i wept. i broke down and cried so hard, i haven't cried a single tear since. a half year of my life, gone. and in that time, you can only imagine how i ached to be free. of course, it doesn't matter too much now, it was a long time ago and in the end, it's all for naught. but we live for the here and now. at least, that's how we should be living.

never looking back
or too far in front of me
the present is a gift
and i just wanna be..
_common

to james kim

courtesy of cnet.com

for those of you who don't know about the james kim situation, it ended on a sad note today. for those of you who don't know james kim, here's a quick blurb; an audio tech editor at cnet.com, james was known for his honest opinions on the ever changing audio assault on the mp3 market. he reviewed hundreds of products and became a fixture to anyone who went on the site.

after a thanksgiving trip to the northwest, james, his wife kati and 2 children went missing when james and kati missed appointments the following week on tuesday. friends and family, as well as cnet.com posted updates to the situation, and thousands of people who frequent cnet.com chimed in on the cause to find the kim family. they were missing, and to make matters worse, they were missing in the oregon frontier; extremely dense forest, horrendously miserable weather, sharp cliffs, raging waters, and a tech editors worst nightmare; no reception for the cell phones.

in a place where technology failed, the human nature to persevere remained fully intact. after having been lost for a week, james set out on foot saturday at an attempt to finding aid, leaving his family behind at the vehicle, where they'd undoubtedly be safest. kati and the children were discovered on monday, and searches for james continued throughout the week.

i was, and remain, extremely optimistic in my nature. i truly believed that james would, though a bit roughed up, be found alive. the news of his family being found intact only strengthened my belief and i was soon awaiting news for his return. with such an exhaustive amount of force searching for him, it had to be any moment we came across james jumping up and down looking up at a rescue helicopter ready to take him home to his family.

unfortunately, it didn't happen that way. while capturing video in class, i took a moment to update myself on the news about the missing editor, only to see the image that resides above. i couldn't believe my eyes. 'you can't be serious, it can't be.' but it was. the reality of the situation had set in, and it became apparent that hopes and prayers can only do so much in keeping a person on this planet, especially in the wilderness in the winter.

but this man, he transcended the human realm into something more; he became what so many are afraid to become, and that's being fearful. he feared for his family's safety, and barring all advice of staying in one place, he set foot in search of help, because that's what must've been going on inside his head, his heart. and i feel so badly knowing that he died doing what he felt was right, and that knowing the outcome, he would've been ok if he stayed put. but that's in hindsight, no one would have known for sure how this would have unfolded. some cry unnecessary actions, while i holler unbridled love.

my heart aches for your family, james. i wish the outcome of this story would be different, but this world isn't having any of that at the moment. thank you for showing me what mp3 player to get, but mostly, thank you for showing me how a person should act and feel when they're called upon. james, you will be missed.

is it..

the face of fear? anger? agony? confused joy?

alone..

.. but not really alone like that. it's getting cold out there, and it feels natural to want someone there to help keep you warm.. and for you to do the same. someone to share the emotions and feelings with.. something your friends and family cannot possibly give you, but something you must give to yourself.

i want a love that has the potential to flourish in the harsh seasons, to radiantly glow in the dimming days that plague us. it's hard to ask the heart to wander aimlessly without a deeper connection. it's hard to ask a heart to weather the storm of isolation. and it's harder to ask it to stand strong in such adversity without showing it at least a glimpse of what it can revel in..

even if the love cannot last, that it would fail a miserable death and shatter and hopes of something more true were to fade.. i seek it none the less, i hunger for it. because someone out there, too, wants what i want, and we can rejoice together..

..even if it's a short while..

the more we change..

the more we stay the same?

maybe it's in vain, but is it too late to reinvent yourself? is the old adage that people don't change true? we can provide plenty of arguments on the subject, but when it comes down to it, you do what you must to sally forth on your path..

WAKE UP!!

[.. and drive?] haha, this isn't a car commercial. it's life, which to some, isn't as serious. but at some point, you have to wake past the slumber in which you've been possessed and realize that life isn't made to be wandered through in a murky haze.

so my words to me [and maybe you, whoever you may be] is this:

snap out of it. there is no ultimatum.

they say..

..smile, it makes people wonder what you're up to.

It’s a shame that grown men have reduced themselves to mere rubble over matters that hold no real importance in our day-to-day lives. A shame that something so inconsequential will be the divide of what appeared to be something truly magnificent in the story of our lives. A shame that the story can continue on without the people that surely fill its pages with memorable events and experiences, making for a life more full of joy and contentment. A damn shame.

Drama is the fabric that makes the story more interesting, but we can go on without this pitiable example of the word. The results were destructive, causing noble people to turn their backs and spew insidious remarks over mere miscommunication, misinterpretation, and with plenty of misspellings [goddamnit, Webster’s is online, can’t you look up a word?]. No single party is innocent, for this back stabbing and back talking has been prevalent since I’ve set foot back in this city.

Gentleman, this is unacceptable. I’m watching, right before my eyes, friendships crumble apart without a true cause that makes it redeemable. I’m watching immovable egos clash and a war of words take its toll over something so feeble I question why I attempt to keep the bond collected.

alone

walking down a darkened street, all alone, all your personal belongings in a bag you carry over your shoulder.. with no one to turn to. life can be so dark, making it feel as if you're truly alone in the world..

the lost soul in limbo.

what's there to do in a time like this? where do you run to? who's there to console you? who understands well enough to understand those who no one understands? these questions run through my mind, because the world can seem like a dark place fill with lonely people.

and it is. but, there's a light, isn't there? one piercing through the black, with infinite clarity and construction, right? the end all of distortion and confusion..

exists. but this is all metaphorical. this is all burrowed in our subconscious, not something that is truly tangible, that you can grab and hope to choke into submission. these are our inner demons. 

the amish have this uncanny ability to forgive. i may be ringing in a little late with this, but they forgave the man who had killed their children, without hesitation or a second thought. if he was still alive, you can bet he'd be more than devastated [if he wasn't already] by that act.

it's the act of forgiveness that people hardly seem to get. some act of aggression or hostility has to be met with the same amount for any reconciliation to be had. there's no forgive and forget, just deal out what you were dealt, and done story.

we can learn a thing or two from these people who haven't progressed in the field of technology, no?

[le sigh]

it's tragic, they say nothing good can last forever.

..

well, what about something great?

why..

..did i know this was going to come in handy?

[sidebar]

i was playing some football tonight. for some reason, every time a bunch of guys get together, the testosterone starts going, and better judgment is nowhere in sight.

anyway, i have smile on my face a lot. tonight during football happened to be no different.

and this guy has the nerve to ask, 'why are you smiling?'

muthafucka, let me ask you, why aren't you smiling?

people seem to have a permanent scowl on their face here in philly. it's probably true at most places, and for some people, it's understood; they're put under extenuating circumstances that get the better of their emotions, and hence, aren't anywhere near a state of glee.

but what the fuck is everyone else's excuse?

ARRRRR!!!!

set yourself free.. remember, 'sometimes you must slow down to go faster'. _ann mcgee cooper

welcome home

 

perspective

change it up

9pm

best,
you've got to be the best
you've got to change the world
and you use this chance to be heard
your time is now

don't,
let yourself down
don't let yourself go
your last chance has arrived
-muse

well..

*

here i am again. it's been a while, hasn't it? a little over a week, and let me tell you, i've been having withdrawals, damnit.

but seriously though, i miss brady and marci already. they provided me with something this past week that i've been missing out on since my relationship ended with my ex; some sort of companionship, and a dose of constant human interaction.

with a little bit of cleavage to wash it all down.

i'm off to bed now. alone.

*click the image, there does happen to be a touch of sun left in the shot.

4am

 

lazy days

being out of comission isn't very fun. as an example, i took a picture of lucky, my cat.

it's so exciting. believe me.

shit, did i forget the exclamation mark? nope, i did. good.

how i'll miss you

until you come again tomorrow.

i'll be waiting.

if it weren't for my bad luck..

..then i'd have no luck at all.

i think i'll take the no luck, thank you very much!

i'm almost there why should i care
my heart heart is hurting when i share
someone open up, let it show
_red hot chili peppers

i need to talk to someone.
but there's no one to talk to.
i want to open up to someone.
but there's no one to open up to.

what doesn't help the situation is.. i want to stay in san diego. but there's no one here for me to share with. share my stories, my feelings.. it's all superficial, nothing real, nothing cemented.

no one to call my friend. in a city with over a million people, i'm all alone.

an emotional low to say the least. god. damn. it.

[le sigh]

dearly beloved, where have you been?

oh, where was the drive gone? the desire, the impetus, the inspiration?

have you gone away altogether, and left me a desolate shell?

am i not able to get myself out of this proverbial hole without you?

so, am i stuck? am i to be left in this overfill of waste, pathetic waste?

where are you, dearly beloved, my saving grace? is it too much for me to ask?

is it too greedy to ask for a lift, a shove in the path.. a path that'll end in happiness?

can i not have my fix? a jolt is all that's needed, really.

to clear my head of the haze, the clouds are formed thick and impenetrable.

that's why i'm asking.. no, pleading. groveling. begging-

for something. save me from this personal hell, for i cannot do it-

not by myself..

you've captured my life.

now can you capture a miracle?

laugh

 

counting..

counting time is not so important as making time count!

unmounting pressure

it's getting to be a bit much at this point. i usually brush it off, and attempt to not let it affect my thought process, my reasoning. but with each phone call, each voicemail, it helps cloud my vision, and instead of helping their cause, it's further pushing me away.

i won't elaorate much more than that, but leave with these parting words;

i'm not one to buckle to overbearing forces, for i stand more upright with each encounter..

well?

backup

truthfully, as important as my photo files and video files and music files are to me, i don't think i'd be too devastated if they were to all disappear. i spend a lot of time with my media [photos in particular] and pour a lot in it. it's a never ending cycle of obtaining and controlling and manipulating and, and.. it's a lot.

but i love it ever so much. it's like my escape from reality, a short time in which i can spend away from all the problems in life. i open up a photo book, watch some footage, listen to some tracks.. they all service my imagination, my soul, like wd40 to a rusted and squeaky door hinge.

i smile, i cringe, i laugh, i cry.. i fly away. maybe that's why i back it up. what good is a vacation if there's no way of getting there?

enjoy!

hello ladies and genteel men, welcome aboard flight 413u. if you're on your way to the land free of distortion, welcome; if not, you should probably go back to work.

now, some important safety information; please do not contact anyone you would not label family or friends, or anyone willing to bring you back down. this is very vital, because these slight distractions can really throw us off our flight pattern, causing the oxygen masks to deploy and we may have to have an emergency landing is some desolate place like boise.

please, unfasten your seatbelts, as they tend to cut off circulation and make you that much more uptight. to do this, pull on the metal tab and pull on the opposing strap. if you have children traveling with you, do this as well, and then place them in the overhead compartment.

we are equipped with one exit, which doesn't work. sorry.

our inflight movie will consist of sun, sand, surf, and some seaweed. unfortunately, to bring you this free movie, seaweed must be incorporated, but should you feel that it interferes too much with your relaxation, take a moment to take an oxygen mask and hurl the seaweed as far as humanly possible. preferably on someone who deserves it.

should we encounter some turbulence, that's just our pilots breaking up the clouds.

now, when we land, please do becareful with the overhead compartments, as the children probably would have kicked around all of your baggage. oh, wait, that's right, hopefully you left your baggage at home.

please, enjoy!

ATTAAAAAACK | the warmth

life

wrestle it to the ground, put it in a choke hold. when it eventually breaks out and smashes a folding chair to your forehead, you take it and get ready to get up after getting raped with it's elbow.

then it's your turn to dish out the hurt.


[tangent]

i be bobby you be whitney..

will you be my crackbitch? we can live in desperation together.. huddle next to each other every fearful, neurotic, paranoid episode after a hit wears off.

what do you say? sound like something you wanna do? we can suck dick for coke. together.

[end tangent]

that's from an old post from my old journal.

i was perusing through old pictures of my recently removed ex and myself.

and i miss it.

not her, but human contact. someone's warmth.

you know during the winter time, when you have to whip out the huge comforters and blankets, and you bundle yourself up at night, and when you wake up, you're in such perfect comfort and warmth that you just don't want to get up for anything?

remember what it feels like to reach over in the cold morning and run your hand over the hot back of the one you're with? your finger tips melting with each successive inch, warming not only your body, but your soul? something as slight at their radiating warmth is enough to fill you up with optimism and love, isn't it?

you can't help but put that retarded smile on your face and roll over, and instead of just taking in the warmth with your hand, you attach yourself like a suction cup and take as much of it in as you can, cause it's exhilarating.. in the calmest, most serene way exhilarating can possibly be.

it seems as if our bodies are perfectly sculpted to take fitment of a human being. from behind, placed in front, along the sides.. it works. the way the back arches so perfectly into your torso, how your arms just slide down alongside the ribs, how your legs intertwine like.. like legs, intertwining. how your face lines up into the nape of their neck, your lips teasing that tender area underneath the ear lobe, your fingers twirling around the stomach, your breath dancing along the shoulders..

the lack of words beside 'warmth' and the lack of metaphors, i think, justifies the purity that involves this subject. nothing complex, just this feeling of love. unadulterated, bashful and playful, love.

i worry about this fuck

one of those guys you don't see often, but they're never really gone.

and this war that we're in.. well, it can change that in a heartbeat, can't it?

and that's when shit will hit the fan, and throw some things into perspective..

where we be

i find a map and draw a straight line
over rivers, farms, and state lines
the distance from here to where you'd be
it's only finger lengths that i see
i touch the place, where i'd find your face
my finger in creases of distant dark places

i hang my coat up in the first bar
there is no peace that i've found so far
the laughter penetrates my silence
as drunken men find flaws in science

their words mostly noises
ghosts with just voices
your words in my memory
are like music to me

i'm miles from where you are
as i lay down on the cold ground
i, i pray that somethings picks me up
and sets me down in your warm arms

_snow patrol