i'm me

and there are no excuses for it.

i'm different, but only in thought. i'm scared to obviously stray from the norms of society to the point where people take notice and snicker. instead, i do so in the comfort of my own insanity.

i deep down don't enjoy the attention a birthday garners, because i believe i was born when i was conceived, not when i exited the womb. but that conflicts with my belief that abortions are ok, because an embryo isn't living to me..

i don't so much care that i'm not going to be exiting school along with my friends. so they'll be working on their career while i'm still taking exams. and my parents and their friends are in shock to hear that i'm still in it for the long haul, because their darling, gifted, emotionless kids graduated from pharmacy school before they could legally lift a beer to their mouth. all the while, i'm running around shooting video and taking pictures to pretty up my walls..

i don't feel bad that a junior in high school is, in all probability, smarter than me. so they can hit the calculus books running while i stumble with simple equations they could solve while doped up on meth and smack. hey, academia was never, ever my forte. i was the underachiever with little brainpower to back it up..

i ain't the best looker of the bunch, either. i have rolls on my stomach from months of inactivity, and it scares me a little. i have scar tissue on my chest that would cause some people to never take off their shirts. and yet, i can't stop staring at myself in the mirror or photowhoring myself with my camera..

but i try in my own weird fashion. i feel more than it's right. i enjoy myself more than it's recommended. i think past my ability to retain such thoughts. i..

i can't help being me.

but i can't help being so misunderstood in a world where everything is as it seems, yet isn't.