the colors of life

leaving you behind

i can't quite put my finger on it.. but i'm lacking inspiration. i'm in need of a muse to whimsically take me away into a land not devoid of imagination and free-spirit, a land where my mind can roam..

where's the love, now?

funny how things change, isn't it? one moment, you're in the throws of love, the next you're at homicidal levels with homicidal tendencies..

welp

bros before hos

chicks before dicks

you know what i mean. i know that you know those statements. it's 'the pledge', and a pledge amongst many, but this one extremely popular in the younger age group. i think us guys tend to use it a lot more often than the chicks, but i could be wrong, i don't hang out with too many hos. or chicks for that matter.

but that's besides the point.

what i'm going after is how many hos are out there? i know there are a ton of dicks, and a formidable amount of hos, but how many hos are selected as the wifey? look at it like this:

would you call your girl a ho? and where does bros before hos extend from? come on, if you had that cherry hot babe up top at your every need, how hard is it going to be to tear away and join up with your friends who [for the most part] don't lay a single seductive hand on your body? when you have someone to tend to your wants and desires, it becomes increasingly difficult to pull away. i understand this. do you? so, i'm not the least bit surprised when i hardly see my friends who are in relationships. they have their own thing going on, and if it's not higher in priority, then the relationship either;
a] isn't right, or
b] been going on for a long time.

friends can only offer so much. the personal relationship takes it to that next step, and offers what the former cannot.

so, before you go saying bros before hos, take a look in the mirror and understand how much you're lying to yourself.


ps. happy birthday to myself. technically, i'm 21 now. spiritually, i've been 21 for 9 months.

i just want

peace. love. happiness.

leave the complications to them. the life full of complexities and drama is not the life for me.

i have simple wants and needs, and the things outside of that do not concern me.

so with your overt materialism, leave. with your hypocritical manners, leave. your lack of compassion for your fellow man, leave. be gone, and leave me to continue on without the distractions you bring, without the fog of dismay you drag by your side.

don't take it for granted

at least not too much, it may become contagious.

'hieu, what are you talking about?'

i'm talking about your time, our time. it's limited, and we must realize the scope of it lies heavily upon our decisions on how to utilize it. please, don't take this as a carpe diem piece, in which i ask you to live everyday like it's your last. while it may be a tad presumptuous, i don't know anyone who does so, or has the energy to keep up with such a lifestyle.

i'm just asking you to hear my story, and take heed.

because i was in prison. i was in jail. i had my time taken away from me.. and when the situation became clear, i cried. i wept. i broke down and cried so hard, i haven't cried a single tear since. a half year of my life, gone. and in that time, you can only imagine how i ached to be free. of course, it doesn't matter too much now, it was a long time ago and in the end, it's all for naught. but we live for the here and now. at least, that's how we should be living.

never looking back
or too far in front of me
the present is a gift
and i just wanna be..
_common

to james kim

courtesy of cnet.com

for those of you who don't know about the james kim situation, it ended on a sad note today. for those of you who don't know james kim, here's a quick blurb; an audio tech editor at cnet.com, james was known for his honest opinions on the ever changing audio assault on the mp3 market. he reviewed hundreds of products and became a fixture to anyone who went on the site.

after a thanksgiving trip to the northwest, james, his wife kati and 2 children went missing when james and kati missed appointments the following week on tuesday. friends and family, as well as cnet.com posted updates to the situation, and thousands of people who frequent cnet.com chimed in on the cause to find the kim family. they were missing, and to make matters worse, they were missing in the oregon frontier; extremely dense forest, horrendously miserable weather, sharp cliffs, raging waters, and a tech editors worst nightmare; no reception for the cell phones.

in a place where technology failed, the human nature to persevere remained fully intact. after having been lost for a week, james set out on foot saturday at an attempt to finding aid, leaving his family behind at the vehicle, where they'd undoubtedly be safest. kati and the children were discovered on monday, and searches for james continued throughout the week.

i was, and remain, extremely optimistic in my nature. i truly believed that james would, though a bit roughed up, be found alive. the news of his family being found intact only strengthened my belief and i was soon awaiting news for his return. with such an exhaustive amount of force searching for him, it had to be any moment we came across james jumping up and down looking up at a rescue helicopter ready to take him home to his family.

unfortunately, it didn't happen that way. while capturing video in class, i took a moment to update myself on the news about the missing editor, only to see the image that resides above. i couldn't believe my eyes. 'you can't be serious, it can't be.' but it was. the reality of the situation had set in, and it became apparent that hopes and prayers can only do so much in keeping a person on this planet, especially in the wilderness in the winter.

but this man, he transcended the human realm into something more; he became what so many are afraid to become, and that's being fearful. he feared for his family's safety, and barring all advice of staying in one place, he set foot in search of help, because that's what must've been going on inside his head, his heart. and i feel so badly knowing that he died doing what he felt was right, and that knowing the outcome, he would've been ok if he stayed put. but that's in hindsight, no one would have known for sure how this would have unfolded. some cry unnecessary actions, while i holler unbridled love.

my heart aches for your family, james. i wish the outcome of this story would be different, but this world isn't having any of that at the moment. thank you for showing me what mp3 player to get, but mostly, thank you for showing me how a person should act and feel when they're called upon. james, you will be missed.

is it..

the face of fear? anger? agony? confused joy?

alone..

.. but not really alone like that. it's getting cold out there, and it feels natural to want someone there to help keep you warm.. and for you to do the same. someone to share the emotions and feelings with.. something your friends and family cannot possibly give you, but something you must give to yourself.

i want a love that has the potential to flourish in the harsh seasons, to radiantly glow in the dimming days that plague us. it's hard to ask the heart to wander aimlessly without a deeper connection. it's hard to ask a heart to weather the storm of isolation. and it's harder to ask it to stand strong in such adversity without showing it at least a glimpse of what it can revel in..

even if the love cannot last, that it would fail a miserable death and shatter and hopes of something more true were to fade.. i seek it none the less, i hunger for it. because someone out there, too, wants what i want, and we can rejoice together..

..even if it's a short while..

the more we change..

the more we stay the same?

maybe it's in vain, but is it too late to reinvent yourself? is the old adage that people don't change true? we can provide plenty of arguments on the subject, but when it comes down to it, you do what you must to sally forth on your path..

WAKE UP!!

[.. and drive?] haha, this isn't a car commercial. it's life, which to some, isn't as serious. but at some point, you have to wake past the slumber in which you've been possessed and realize that life isn't made to be wandered through in a murky haze.

so my words to me [and maybe you, whoever you may be] is this:

snap out of it. there is no ultimatum.

they say..

..smile, it makes people wonder what you're up to.

It’s a shame that grown men have reduced themselves to mere rubble over matters that hold no real importance in our day-to-day lives. A shame that something so inconsequential will be the divide of what appeared to be something truly magnificent in the story of our lives. A shame that the story can continue on without the people that surely fill its pages with memorable events and experiences, making for a life more full of joy and contentment. A damn shame.

Drama is the fabric that makes the story more interesting, but we can go on without this pitiable example of the word. The results were destructive, causing noble people to turn their backs and spew insidious remarks over mere miscommunication, misinterpretation, and with plenty of misspellings [goddamnit, Webster’s is online, can’t you look up a word?]. No single party is innocent, for this back stabbing and back talking has been prevalent since I’ve set foot back in this city.

Gentleman, this is unacceptable. I’m watching, right before my eyes, friendships crumble apart without a true cause that makes it redeemable. I’m watching immovable egos clash and a war of words take its toll over something so feeble I question why I attempt to keep the bond collected.

alone

walking down a darkened street, all alone, all your personal belongings in a bag you carry over your shoulder.. with no one to turn to. life can be so dark, making it feel as if you're truly alone in the world..

the lost soul in limbo.

what's there to do in a time like this? where do you run to? who's there to console you? who understands well enough to understand those who no one understands? these questions run through my mind, because the world can seem like a dark place fill with lonely people.

and it is. but, there's a light, isn't there? one piercing through the black, with infinite clarity and construction, right? the end all of distortion and confusion..

exists. but this is all metaphorical. this is all burrowed in our subconscious, not something that is truly tangible, that you can grab and hope to choke into submission. these are our inner demons. 

the amish have this uncanny ability to forgive. i may be ringing in a little late with this, but they forgave the man who had killed their children, without hesitation or a second thought. if he was still alive, you can bet he'd be more than devastated [if he wasn't already] by that act.

it's the act of forgiveness that people hardly seem to get. some act of aggression or hostility has to be met with the same amount for any reconciliation to be had. there's no forgive and forget, just deal out what you were dealt, and done story.

we can learn a thing or two from these people who haven't progressed in the field of technology, no?

[le sigh]

it's tragic, they say nothing good can last forever.

..

well, what about something great?

why..

..did i know this was going to come in handy?

[sidebar]

i was playing some football tonight. for some reason, every time a bunch of guys get together, the testosterone starts going, and better judgment is nowhere in sight.

anyway, i have smile on my face a lot. tonight during football happened to be no different.

and this guy has the nerve to ask, 'why are you smiling?'

muthafucka, let me ask you, why aren't you smiling?

people seem to have a permanent scowl on their face here in philly. it's probably true at most places, and for some people, it's understood; they're put under extenuating circumstances that get the better of their emotions, and hence, aren't anywhere near a state of glee.

but what the fuck is everyone else's excuse?

ARRRRR!!!!

set yourself free.. remember, 'sometimes you must slow down to go faster'. _ann mcgee cooper

welcome home

 

perspective

change it up