advice from the human guru: lesson 1.2

these things i speak of, relationships, are many things, but i'm only here to focus on the negative at the moment. why? maybe because i'm bitter and don't want anyone else to be happy..

NOT

it's more like these personal lovey dubby relationships are the destroyer of lives and my mission is to minimize what damage the death star does to your ecosystem. you see, we all have many lives, many personalities, and many souls, in which everyone we know gets a different version of each. no one person has the same outlook on you as another, it's just improbable. so, keeping that in mind..

TIP NUMERO TRE: don't ever forget your single friends

because if you do, you'll lose them. now you have a commonality with friends who are in a relationship and everyone can get together and life is peachy. but the world for your single friends is a dark place, because remember all the time you spent with them when none of you weren't getting any action? well, now it's all devoted to the new love of your life.

'that's preposterous! i still got love for the homeboys/homegirls!'

well, maybe you do, but you're not showing it. they're the ones that always back you up, always will be there, though the relationship you're in will indeed falter and die a miserable death, and who will you turn to if you've abandoned them? the ex? it's never, EVER smart to chose the relationship over the truly good friends, because if anyone knows you, it's the friend. and i've seen it plenty of times where the friend-in-love will turn such a cold shoulder, it's as if you've arrived in siberia in the middle of the winter.

'but i don't fuck my friends!'

the fucked up do, but that's besides the point. you can show your true personality to your friends, as the relationship requires you give and take, because most relationships DON'T allow you to be nearly as open for fear of turning them away. and who wants the source of their carnal pleasures be turned away? but the sacrifice is that you won't be as comfortable around that person as you will with your buddies.

to me, it's a no-brainer, but it happens all the time. i had to tell my ex to leave the fucking house to see her friends. do i have to tell you to go out and repair your severed relationships before you're stuck with nobody but your hands and some baby oil?

your bond with your friends WILL weaken, it's up to you to determine how far it goes, and whether you'll let the chains snap.