time

time is a funny issue. what're your views? not enough hours in a day? too often crawls? flies by?

what about the definition of time? according to some numbers, i've been in existence for over 21 years. what's a year? 365 days, 366 in a leap year, which occurs every 4 years. so.. is life measured in incremental increases of these 'years'?

that was a bad year, that was a good year, that was a mediocre year.. i hear it a lot, after the bell tolls and the calendar reads JAN 1, 'how was your year?' does it make chronicling our lives up to that point easier? or is it a mental block that allows us to forge ahead and make the most of our time by using it as a mechanism to put away the past?

guess it depends on who you ask.

but when people ask me, i kind of sigh and try to move on; my life is lived in stages, i don't take notice of the years. last year is but a mere continuation of my life to this point, not something shelved away systematically, i'm still living it. and who's to say it was anything but a year, a numerical aspect attempting to simplify the craziness in which we're surrounded? 365 days of good, of bad, of everything.

people look at me a little crookedly and try not to think too much of it. i have this whole viewpoint of life in the now. i worry for tomorrow as much as i worry for yesterday; it's not a whole lot. people feel secure in knowing that they've planned out a future for themselves; i ask how can you be secure in a psychological lie? why, if we're alive now, why not take advantage of it and enjoy it while you have it? what's worrying about events set 10 years into the future, when whatever preconceived notions you had about that time will be 100% wrong?

people are supposed to live into their 70s, no sweat in america, but i'm not content in living within the averages. i'm 21, why would i plan for retirement when there's no guarantee that i'll make it into my 30s? don't get me wrong, i'm not one of those people that swear they're going to croak before they're 30 because of their 'fast and furious' lifestyle, i'm just someone who's much more focused about what's occurring at this very moment, because these keys being depressed underneath my fingers, the fatboy slim playing through my speakers, the chill of the night air tingling my naked legs, it's happening right now.

this is my new computer case. its empty innards hungry to be filled with circuitry and energy, completing a long-time goal of building a new computer.

it's parts are strewn all across america, with arrival times slated for week's end. but the end of the week lies an uncertainty that all the parts will arrive in an orderly manner or that they'll even work upon completion. as the week progresses, i'll take the parts in as they come and do what i will with what is in front of me, not hypothesize about what's to be done next, because i can't say for sure.

and that's how i look at life, with uncertainty in it's future and a past that stays there. i don't dwell on my past mistakes and i don't worry about the ones i will make. i'm in the here and now, and that's how i prefer it.

life really is beautiful, but have you come to recognize it?