i want to post

but blogger isn't letting me upload pics.

guess i'll go finish writing that letter i started!



i could do this, but.. i dunno. the image is small.. and if i try to post the medium, it goes over the borders. if i put insert it through bloggers image uploader, it squashes is and doesn't render the pixels correctly.. just can't win with me sometimes.

but the smallness.. i think i can get used to it, no?



my mom's, she'll put a hurt on me if i don't go to bed soon..

after the letter!

ADAM

hope you enjoy your [mine :P] psp mate.

the scent

when i was in juvie, i remember smothering my face into the letters i received from my family and friends. it was a sensual escape, my sense of smell had the chance to be free from the confines of my small, dimly lit room to brighter, happier pastures. every letter held a different scent, every scent led to a different sensation, every whiff sent me to a better place.

ely's letters always seemed like a bouquet being unleashed upon me when the guard would bring them by. to think about it now, every letter smelt sweet and welcoming, hinting at what awaits for me outside these walls. it was the height of my days and nights, awaiting the arrival of a new letter, accompanying with it tales of a world where freedom is alongside you with each and every fleeting moment, every new letter let me in a bit of that, even if the environment wasn't conducive for anything more than the cold, long arm of the law, offering no solace for souls who cried for more.

as i've been fortunate in life, my secret pleasure was lost upon many in that place, not knowing what it was i felt because they had no one to do the same for them. their only comfort came when they were able to close their eyes and let it slip away, but as soon as a new day arose, the misery takes to its post to ensure that it would be another day in the grind. those guys were truly alone, with no one but themselves to console them.

since i got out, i always made it a point to liven up whatever space it was i slept in. it doesn't serve as a reminder, i wish it did, but it helps ease me into a comfortable place, a place i don't mind calling my own.

Flickr

This is a test post from , a fancy photo sharing thing.

every story

must have a beginning, middle,



and END.

i'm going to sleep now.

MAN

why the fuck not?

i love overloading this thing with pictures, it makes up for the lack of words and actual content. like tv. lets show them lots of hot people and hope they don't notice the bad writing and lack of character development, plus that boom mic sticking out in the frame [i'm talking to you tarantino].

i'm going to steal that flag and drape it around my naked body. 9-12, never forget.

oh the humanity

wishing you could all die makes it easy to go forth sometimes.

baby

like you don't even know.



[green day comes to mind]

wake me up, when september ends.

and september is over. no more blitz, i'm done. back to my measly once a week posts, and thank god..


it couldn't have come at a better time.

[sings to himself]

i'm sick of feeling my soul
to people who'll never know
just how purposeless and empty they've grown..

yeesh

the mind is a freaky thing.


learning how to tame it.. is a challenge, to say the least.

the heart's a fragile thing

take out an artery, and you're done.

i've been thinking back a little bit, with my experiences in life thus far, and the thing i seem really deficient in is the lack of personal relationships. immediately after sandy, my epic-ex, there was kayla. shit, sandy was still living with me when kayla and i hooked up.. or should i say, kayla hooked me, line and sinker.

the night we hung out, we went to the beach and chatted. it was funny, the car ride there seemed so distant, but as soon as we hit the beach- BAM- it was on. after the tumultuous ending of sandy and i, she was the most refreshing thing, exaclty what i needed to absolutely get back on my feet. she fell into every ideal, nothing was there for me to really fault her on.

and when we kissed, it was amazing. after kissing the same lips for over 2 years, hers felt infinitely softer. after meaningless makeout sessions that droned on for the past year, this connection felt so genuine and true that i was.. falling in love.

it takes a lot to write that, because i was at such a weakened state. she had me in the palm of her hands, and before i knew it, it was gone. i was left with my heart in my hands after having just given it to her. maybe that's why i'm so weary about it happening again, because thought it wasn't anything devastating, it wasn't fun. it's so important finding out the intentions, so that if it is a time-bomb, i can lessen the impact of the blast.

and so, i fell too easily, and i can't help it, i just wanted to love, and love is all i wanted in return.

the story hasn't changed since. i'm still searching for that elusive girl to call my own.

~

You build atomic bombs, wage wars, murder, cheat, and lie to us and try to make us believe it is for our own good.

yet we're the criminals.

hack

there's a distinct difference between barry bonds homerun record chase and brett farve's claim as top td slinger thus far in the nfl.

the san fran giants sacrificed everything for bond's hr record. they have the worst record in their division and have has losing seasons as of late. instead of building a winning team, they built a team that milks the publicity of a steroid induced cheater. everyone outside of san fransisco despises barry bonds. the man came into the league weighing in at less than 190lb, and he ballooned to 245lb+ late in his career, over a 2 year span. if that's not indication enough of how much doping he's been doing, maybe it's the fact that his head grew an astronomical amount. rick reilly of SI asked when he's inducted into the hall of fame, will they make his head on his bust a size 7 1/2 [size it was when he entered the league] or the 8 1/2 it resides at now.

he was gonna make it to the hall of fame even before he started on his performance enhancing ways, so why overdo it, barry? sit down, you sucked what purity remained in the lame lame game of baseball.

and brett farve, on the other hand.. man, what a player. started every game for the last, i dunno, 70 years for the packers. tied dan marino's td record, which sits at 420 as i type. it's kind of a cold reality, because peyton manning will eclipse whatever mark farve gets to. but you see the manner in which farve accomplishes this feat; the packers have absolutely no run game and the receivers, beyond driver and jennings, hardly much of a receiving corp, and a porous o-line.

but his energy is outstanding. he goes onto the field and with that energy, gives it to his players. they feed off of him, and what was to be a bum green bay packers, is one-of-two teams in the nfc standing at 3-0 [along with them 'boys].

so, while bonds is a hack who will be practically shunned because of the way in which he got the record, farve will lavish in it, because he did it with integrity and a love for the game.

you athletes remember the latter? love of the game, do it because you can't see yourself doing anything else while you still can.

i'm le tired

you know, i think the reason i don't write in a personal journal is.. because i'm an attention whore.

'look at me! look at me! i WRITE things! yaaaaay!'

psh, yeah, whatever, totally lame. the past month has been a fun exercise in writing, cause if you looked, i averaged about 4 posts a month.. once a week. not much at all, and i have thoughts and ideas swirling around in my head all day. things i just wished i put down on paper or through the computer.. but nothing ever came of it. i know a lot of my post this month have been.. for lack of a better term, utter shit, but at least i came and put something down. before, it was 'brilliant thought!' with absolutely no follow-through.

but i got better at it.. well, a little better anyway.

and you may have noticed some steamy subjects. in all honesty, i wish i could put more of them up. this post comes to mind. i can't help myself really, my personality and they way i present myself.. it's all sexually charged. harmless for the most part [except for anal-wednesdays], and i just like to have fun with it. you know, i don't get ass every day [or any for the last year], so if its my perverse release, then damn it, get out of the way. it might be messy.

and sure, that stuff can be a little personal, and it may be too much info, but man, it feels great putting it out there, along with anything else i feel proud of. my pictures, i love them, and i'm sure everyone can find one they love, too, of the hundreds i have posted. my topics? something for everyone, every once in a while. methodical, philosophical, personal, comical, sexual.. it's all there. the ranges are all there, and it helps show who i am.

and thanks. i know the readership is smaller than anything floating around on the web, but to know at least one person comes on here is great. thanks youri. thanks phung. thanks nimmie. and sometimes, thanks lindsay. i know brady used to come on here, and even though we don't talk anymore, thanks [jerk].

[edit]
image.. now has the 'nike' 'leave nothing' motto.. i'm pathetic, i know :P

i feel all flowery

despite the fact that i just learned some heinous things about my family.

a haunting

you know, we're not capable of seeing everything. it's not possible, really. those who love to keep up with the celebrity gossip or world's current affairs.. they're clueless. they're looking out to keep from looking in. gnaw on that. [why is 'gnaw' spelled with a 'gn'?]

you know, you can spend an entire lifetime exploring your immediate surroundings.. and you may never, ever be able to figure it out. your immediate family, your closest friends.. what are they in essence? i do not know. they're interaction pieces, all pawns in your game of chess. a game you play with everyone, and who knows what the next move will be?

the world's deep, dark secrets? they're nothing compared to the ones floating around you.

1 h8 m47h0RZ

but i love boobies

eiomton

i read somewhere that if you mix up the interior letters of a word, you can still read it. we're apparently trained to do so. i would attempt to do it right now, but.. i'd probably lose the essence of what i'm trying to write about right now.

anyway, if you had trouble with that word up there.. it's 'emotion'. i get emotional over everything.. looking at this picture gets me all emotional.


i look at the flower, and it makes me feel all warm inside. it takes me to an older time when i was surrounded by foliage and cool autumn air. i can't help but get a smile from the nostalgia i feel, it's conducive of the image, you know? the feeling of happiness just overflow, because the changing on the seasons almost seems like a changing of the guard in a sense. out with the old, in with the new! and it'll be oh so beautiful when the leaves start to turn.

did you know that foliage is actually better to photograph in overcast, rainy days? it saturates the leaves, giving them more pop. good to know.

then there are images of tragedy and pain.


i wonder what happened to it? i'm pretty sure my cat got to it.. but i was drawn to the idea, not so much the image. i was watching something on ww2 today, and the site of dead bodies everywhere.. that's something to behold. life is so precious to us.. it's just hard to imagine it gone in that instant. one moment, you're alive and ticking, next thing, you're slumped over, done.

and death is one of those tricky things. you never know when it's going to happen, and it's a little disheartening. i have a hard time coping with it and have so many varied opinions on it. depends on when you ask me; most the time, i feel life's too short and unpredictable for us to live it in the opposite manner. plan for the worst, hope for the best y'all! as if. people tell me to stop playing and get on with my life; if i stop playing and start setting up for my life, then i'm playing the cards that i'm gonna make it past a point long enough to reap the benefits.

thing is, i'm really bad at gambling, so i sorta live for the moment, do what i please whenever it pleases me. it's unorthodox in this family and weird considering my upbringing stressed the opposite of what it is i'm doing.. but you know, if i died tomorrow on their path, i wouldn't have done the things i've done, and that's a sad note to leave on.

and those people, what if they thought the same thing?

'shit, i never got to change the lives around me for the better'

'damn, i never asked her out'

'i never made it to europe, africa, the asias..'

i want to limit the 'things to say before i die' to as little as possible.

but you know, sometimes, all you need for peace in your soul is the sight of something beautiful to quiet the rumblings.. stop thinking. just do what feels right, and all will be right with you.

YO SON

lighten up, nigga. life's too short to be all mad and shit.

but it's kinda too short to be messing around all the time, too. i don't get what it is with me and being how i am; lazy, unmotivated, lack of passion.

HIEU, WAKE UP.

where's that ever smiling child with hopes and dreams so big, anne frank would feel inadequate? you know, that kid with that glean in his eyes and a face that looks to have the sun forever shining upon it? you know what happened to him? he was here not too long ago.

HIEU, GET UP.

the kid with the aspirations. you know, those aspirations of changing the world and having his face on a box of wheaties or some corny shit like that. i'm telling you, that kid was as free as the birds..

HIEU, COME ON, MOVE.

..or was he? kinda did seem like the weight of the world would rests on your shoulders when you want to change it. but maybe the kid realized some things. maybe he realized that just saying these things won't bring them about. maybe he realized that the world is a truly cruel, cruel place, and that brought him under.

HIEU, HURRY THE FUCK UP, WE HAVE TO GO.

but maybe the kid was just waiting. waiting for what? waiting for the most opportune time to pounce, because even if the world is cruel and unfair, he has the innate advantage of peering through it and still smile in the face of adversity, and hell or high water bearing nazis can't bring him down.

HIEU, PLEASE, FOR YOUR SAKE.

but the kid is still hiding, apparently, doesn't think its time to come out yet. a shame really, people might be able to learn a thing or two from him. but what's causing him to hide? what's keeping him from showing his brilliance?

HIEU..

you crazy kids!!

stop swimming in them trees! yous gonna break yo face fo christs sakes!

oh nos el toros