Pictures from a photo poser..

Personal

2010-03-12T00:49:00.003-05:00

I've been struggling with some things as of late. It's mostly been with the way I want to promote myself. Obviously, I want to do it loudly, but there's always the consideration that you have to be weary of what the potential clientele will say/think.

Really? Well, that makes me feel like a whore. Don't get me wrong, I'm not really good enough or established enough to say "to hell with the clientele, if they don't like me or my art, then they can go fuck themselves." That's obviously the wrong approach, but surely there's a way I can radiate my personality without fear or worry I won't find work to pay my bills.

And then I get asked to change the name pretty often. 413U doesn't sit well with people, it's too vague, ambiguous. Once they find out its my name, they attempt to steer me towards something more catchy, easily remembered. Well, if my images don't do it, then a fucking name isn't going to get me very far.

AHHHH SHIET MANG

2010-03-01T00:43:00.004-05:00

OFFICIAL. Yeah, that's me.

Been running around like a chicken with its head cut off as of late. This week is going to be vicious, but not as vicious as this:

THAT'S WHAT 22 STORIES LOOKS LIKE.

FFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

2010-02-22T10:51:00.006-05:00

Every bit of good news has been hiding that nasty trick under its trenchcoat since last night...

FFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

So I'm launching my website, and in case you didn't know about it, it's www.413u.com. I'm using a program called simpleviewer to organize the galleries for viewing online. I take painstaking time and effort to edit each photo, resizing and compressing for optimal viewing online with a good mix of size and image quality; the average photo is 200kb. Simpleviewer goes and increases the file size twofold after making the gallery.

WHAT?!?!?!?!

How the hell does the size of the file increase twofold WHILE DEGRADING IN QUALITY?????? Of course the image degradation is minimal, but the fact that the file size WENT UP while LOSING quality is totally blowing my mind.

'Hieu, so what? 200kb to 400kb ain't so bad.'

Really? It's not. We're all on broadband for the most part, and downloading 400kb of anything is pretty much an afterthought. However, when I take 3 days just resizing all of my fucking images and compressing each one to fall within the parameters I set, to then have it all thrown out the window by some illogical process that makes ZERO sense, then I'm steamed. Not only does it increase the size of the image, it also changes their naming convention, because apparently parenthesis' are outside the realm of being in acceptable file names.

This has added days to my work. Days I don't have, because of school, work, and personal obligations. Days spread out can mean a month. A month can mean people are still looking at the stupid splash screen saying they're looking at a 'work in progress, please excuse the vomit in the corner.'

Then I receive news that my GF and I wont tickets to the Muse show in Philly. She then tells me it's on the same day as the corporate gig I'm shooting... in the same time frame. I'm ready to punch someone in the face. I honestly can say that I'd rather never have heard the news of us winning tickets, because this corporate gig is so goddamn mandatory.

All of this within 8 hours. I'm a veritable explosion right now. I haven't felt this angry in a long time. I'm surprised my monitors are still intact. [sigh] I've done so well holding everything together, why does it feel like it's unraveling now?

HAHAHAHA

2009-07-28T00:55:00.001-04:00

Oh man, life has been what?

WHAT HAS IT BEEN HIEU?!

It's been utterly amazing and fantastic, thank you.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH

2009-06-10T01:30:00.004-04:00

today was spectacular. SOOOOOOOOOOOO NICE.

SOOOOOOOOOOOO NICE.

did i mention it was nice? cause it was.

more to come later.

holy wow

2009-05-22T01:05:00.011-04:00

i cannot believe it's been as long as it has since i last wrote here. but enough excuses, i need to write. i can't help but feel my ability to transcribe my thoughts on paper has done nothing but deteriorate since i was 16. yes, i was at my writing peak at 16. what a damn shame, i was a ridiculous writing talent, something to be truly dealt with.

but then the internet strolled in, i think. i mean, i got broadband, and ~BAM~. that smart pretentious hieu slowly dwindle to this mushy piece of meat that now sits in front of this computer. and when i say mushy, i also mean physically as well, my gut has expanded to gross proportions since i stopped swimming a couple of weeks ago.

but why am i here tonight? what did i want to write about? i don't know, but it may have something to do with the gobs of positive experiences [mixed with the bad, of course] through the past year. maybe those times i've been bottling up my fears and doubts and my excitement and moments of glory should have been recorded in my words, because it's all too beautiful to leave to chance that memory will always serve you.

and for my future self, i apologize. i've always selfishly put down my words when things got rough and didn't put enough stock into those shining moments that you'd swear wouldn't be possible to forget.. except you do. tsk tsk, bad human tendencies, bad! but that's ok, that's where i come in now to add commentary about the bountiful and copious amounts of joy you've encountered in your life. the wrongs have been righted, the hurtful feelings have been removed, and life was given an eraser to start anew. everyday.

everyday. everyday. everyday is a new day. everyday is a new day to create experiences for the moment to add to the collection in the back, but dude, don't dwell on those, keep it going. look back and say, 'hey, that was an awesome time.' but don't let that define you and make that who you are. they're an accumulation of events and stories that make up your personality and ideals, but don't let them pigeonhole you into this entity that exists solely to boost your present day happenings.

but if i can say so myself, i'm doing a much better job of living. clarity comes with each day and eachexperience, but i think only if it's recognize. chocolate on my shirt. totally worth it.

ohhhhhh man

2008-09-19T01:42:00.003-04:00

check out the beta of my website!

anyhoo, school is kicking my ass.. so much so i had to step up to a foot to feel anything anymore.

yes yes

2008-09-01T23:13:00.000-04:00

so.. had another wedding yesterday. even though it was shorter than the previous wedding by 3 hours, it was absolute insanity through and through.

so, here we go again!

CH-UGH 2! from hieu on Vimeo.

damn

2008-08-31T02:55:00.000-04:00

i haven't been this worked since i worked at a restaurant a few years ago. weddings can be rough, but it's all apart of a honest [ehhh, might be dishonest if you hook up with the maid of honor] day's work.

ch-ugh from hieu on Vimeo.

so whose truth do you believe?

2008-08-29T22:59:00.001-04:00

here's looking at you

2008-08-28T23:39:00.004-04:00

i'm at a personal conflict, and i wonder;

do i steer myself towards a materialized existence?

or

do i attempt to shed myself of what society has already built in?

cause a a700 does look nice paired with a zeiss 85m 1.4..

things i learned about going to the junkyard

2008-08-27T20:00:00.001-04:00

get bug spray. mosquitos love fat piggies with high cholesterol [ahem]
haggling is a part of life. low ball and don't accept offers for new parts
they serious about the dogs. be aware, real fucking aware
don't walk past where it says 'no customers past this point', as the dude that got tackled can attest to.

what the fuck have you done?

2008-08-26T01:26:00.002-04:00

'bury her out back, along with the dog. i told him, 'piss on the rug one more time, you're fucking dead.' '

face the fear

2008-08-25T01:15:00.000-04:00

and stomp the fucker out.

dear summer

2008-08-24T00:41:00.002-04:00

suh-weet

2008-08-23T04:20:00.000-04:00

i hope thanh doesn't throw his neck around like his dad and his uncle :/

socks

2008-08-17T01:30:00.006-04:00

good dress socks are a necessity. the first 4 weddings i did, both socks ended up with big-toe-holes halfway through the event.. until i bought some of these bad boys.

perry ellis, thank you. you saved me countless dollars by surviving grueling weddings which require my go beyond far beyond the duties of standard photography.

last night at the omni hotel for example, the groom's sister was persistent about how cute i was, and repeatedly grabbed me by the arm, stated to those around that she's taking me to her room, and starts to dart off in the general direction of the elevator. so i take a break to get away from the drunk people and enjoy the surroundings of the omni..

i come back, and they're taking her away because she's so inebriated. she grabs my arm and asks if i can come with, but the groom says i have a job to do and it's inappropriate. out of now where, she states that she's going to give me a kiss, and plants one smack on the lips. awesome.

the rewards of a wedding photographer; holed up socks and drunken flirtation.

w00t motherfucking w00t

2008-07-19T04:24:00.003-04:00

i like too many things and get all confused and hung-up running from one falling star to another till i drop. this is the night, what it does to you. i had nothing to offer anybody except my own confusion.
_jack kerouac

story of my life. have a brew on me!

they say the best revenge is living well without them. if that were the truth, then god should strike me down for having the best revenge EVER. i've gone over the past destruction of my friendship with old chum brady, and recently, another has fallen, and it was even harder [the fall, not the emotional impact on my psyche XD].

why am i posting this for the world to see? because i feel like it. the faggotry in which i've endured all these years needs some sort of release short of slugging him in the face, and this just seems way too appropriate.

you see, this is not an attack at him per se, it's more of a reminder to be wary of the immense selfishness in which we're surrounded. for me, consider it lesson chalked down. i've implemented a rule that, if i were to encounter a being who is in this relationship for little more than their personal advancement at my expense, +ahem+, they can go fuck themselves. of course that's to be taken with some liberties and a grain of salt, as 99.9% of the relationships are selfish in 1 way or another, 'tis the overwhelming selfishness i'm looking to filter out of my life, the insignificant ones i'm more than happy to let go.

on a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.
_tyler durden

it's elementary, your time was up, feller, may life lead you where you deserve to go.

AND SO, another one bites the dust :D

♦♦watch your back♠♠

2008-07-15T05:15:00.005-04:00

there's something unnerving about a person who wears colored contacts. like they're hiding something they don't want us to know, and whenever there's someone hiding, that means there's someone killing. yes, killing. killing the truth. murderous outrage at what yo momma gave you, and you rebel by altering your reality.

'my eyes are not blue, they're hazel!'

'my eyes were never black!'

'my pupils have always been fully dilated, is that so weird?'

and it's so utterly.. false. you're not fooling me, i can tell from across the room [where i was raping you.. with my eyes!] that those are colored contacts. that's like a step below wearing ugly fashion trends and a tumble down the eiffel tower below dying your hair.. about tied with plastic surgery. yes, that drastic.

i'm not trying to explain why i believe they do it, because i don't know and don't really care to. it just bugs me, here [points to penis].

[scratch me head]

2008-03-11T00:22:00.003-04:00

my climb to 200 posts is staggering and taking longer than i imagined. considering i posted once a day for a month last year, you'd figure i'd be at 200 back in january. welp, things change, don't they? you get tied up, find new hobbies, make new friends, etc. etc.

lose your way. yeah, ahem, that's REAL easy to do.

that's my dad. the man found his way, and i think he's exasperated that i've yet to find mine. it's taking much longer than originally anticipated, and i think they knew something was wrong with me when i was a wee lad driving the car down the block at the age of 3. true story. but they look at my achievements [none] and don't see the love [lots]. the latter of which is so much more important, and i want them to know that if i don't pan out, at least they didn't raise a completely useless deadbeat, but one with love in his heart and.. well, a nice camera.

love so potent, i have an enlarged heart and might DIE at any given moment. not a true story, but it'd make for a really sappy 'carpe diem/live life to the fullest' movie like 'the bucket list'. make people aware that life is to be lived and without living it, you've got nothing. why anyone needs a movie to tell them that is beyond me, but maybe we've grown so complacent with life that instead of living with verve and spirit, we live with our heads and logic. saying the following is true and holds zero second thoughts:

youri, you drive me crazy. but i love you none the less.. though i hate you. love/hate at its finest.

i'm not lonely, just alone.

i want to talk to phung.

thoughts invoked by my heart.. true story.

roflmao

2008-02-19T01:50:00.005-05:00

when i said the one regret i had was getting you that game? i meant it. so stop being a cock fag.

in all honesty, you're not a good person. totally sober and clear of mind, and i've come to terms with it.

btw, my future wife:

cause there's no one to blame

2008-02-16T00:15:00.002-05:00

i feel sorrow for the fear
and everything it brings
wonder if it will ever sleep

i know you understand
because you briefly look away
focusing on nothing
so now everything is clear

cause there's no one to blame
you got no place to hide
it's only in your mind

i saw you
in amazement
stumbling through the day
you told me time
never waits
what is that supposed to mean?

gun start callin dis 'videos from a.. video poser'?

2008-02-06T00:34:00.000-05:00

Vietnam Preview from hieu on Vimeo.

click for the vid in HD [w00t]

i made her do it

2008-02-03T23:38:00.000-05:00

and she liked it, yes she did.

so

2008-02-02T01:43:00.000-05:00

my lack of attention towards my beloved blog doesn't have anything to do with the lack of love for said blog, but rather lack of motivation to write in the blog. that's a really stupid word, by the way, 'blog'. sounds like 'bog', which is a map in the game call of duty 4 [bestest game ever] and depicts some nasty sweltering dump of a marshy thing. like 'sex blog' sounds roughly as hot as an impaled penis on a stick.

unless you're into that sort of thing, then GET THE FUCK OUT.

now that we've removed the weirdo, i apologize to anyone to frequents this site on a semi-sorta-kinda-normal basis, as i've been in less need of therapy as of late and this was it. i picked up running, which i do a couple times a week. i mt. bike when it's warm. i play an ungodly amount of cod4, and it's made me forget about not having had a juicy vagina in over a year and a half to munch on. loser? meh, better to have a game run your life than an overtly hormonal and moody human, don't ya think? [just sometimes, hieu] school, and for once, i'm doing hw and the reading for the classes. i shock even myself.

so, life is swell. i could use a job, but it's not stupendously urgent. i'm not so much reaching for the stars at the moment, just the penthouse.

man..

2008-01-18T20:54:00.000-05:00

i love you guys

and by love i mean skull fuck

love is what we need

2007-12-24T05:09:00.000-05:00

love for a sunset. love for the sense of sight, sense to differentiate the different rays of visible light.

love for..

cali love

2007-12-23T04:05:00.000-05:00

maybe i'm postponing my post on love..

or i'm disguising it within each post i write.

who knows?

hotel california

2007-12-20T03:42:00.000-05:00

oh clueless :D

i'm waiting to find out myself, mate!

i'm afraid i have to postpone that post, i don't think i realized what i was writing at the time, because at one point, i was awake for about 48 hours straight, and it was very likely that was the point in which that was written.

but i can very well formulate my love for hotels at the moment. there's something very carnal about a place like hotels, something very fertile and sexy. prostitutes setup at hotels, secret rendezvous are carried out at hotels, manic sex is fulfilled at hotels and so forth.

a few years ago, my ex and i stayed at a hotel close to a racing event we were going to attend, and that whole night was nothing but sweet violent sex. we entered the hotel room kissing and within moments were on the bed having at each other. after we'd finish, we'd be back at it again and again and again.. that night was nothing but constant fucking, and it got to the point were cumming became physically painful and we just collapsed atop each other. well, not to be outdone, waking up in the middle of the night caught us both hungry for each other's privates and we'd have at it again. when we awoke in the morning, we'd have a round before breakfast and fondled each other on the way to the racetrack. my point is, that hotel allowed us to be so primal, it took our every wanton desire and let us go at it until our muscles cramped and our hormones screamed for moderation. my leg cramped a couple times, her neck was sore from a bobbing up and down, my tongue laid flat and lifeless along with my jaw, and countless other little injuries and ailments.

we stayed at another hotel the next day and the whole night was dedicated to the practice of the kama sutra. you'd swear our naughty bits were actually one and that we were some sort of weird siamese-non-relative-opposite-sex-twins we were fucking so much. i had her achilles imprinted on my collar bones and she had my teeth marks on her neck. we swapped so much fluid, a whole towel was dedicated to attempt to absorb it. then we had to call and get a another towel because we needed something to dry our bodies with after we got done fucking in the shower.

basically, the aura of hotels are undeniable. the fun to be had in them unmistakable. use the chance wisely, because back home, you have neighbors to consider.

what.. is.. love?

2007-12-14T23:47:00.000-05:00

hieu will answer.

next week.

and you will accept hieu's opinion as fact.

or not.

hieu does not care what you do with his words.

as long as you don't contort them.

and if you do, hieu will be sad.

'tis the season to be jolly

2007-12-09T21:04:00.000-05:00

[image unrelated]

the year is winding down, and in a few weeks, we move up a calendar number. 2007>2008. so what does it all mean? some people will scramble to see how this year went wrong and try to right it in 08. bullshit, i say. some people will claim this year a success and vow to keep it up in 08. bah, sure. some people will not care. hi! welcome to the world of realist! instead of counting your life in little increments, month to month, year to year, why isn't it all taken into a cumulative amount. i mean, if you're going to dig up the past year, why stop at 364 days? keep that counter going, bitch!

or why pick up this time to start a resolution? if you fail 2 months into it, are you going to wait another 10 months before you pick up your next failing? why not start right away? i hate the structure we live in sometimes. every few weeks, there's some sort of crap milestone or some redundant tradition we must participate in or be considered an outsider. easter. let's buy candy to celebrate the death/rebirth of jesus [doesn't that make him a zombie?]. christmas. throw our money away at gifts no one really wants and smiles and well wishes no one really cares for. valentines. well, no beef with valentines, i love the candy.

[^^ 'what? didn't you just rip on easter for candy?' yes, because it's irreverent to the death/rebirth of jesus. not to mention a fucking rabbit, what the hell does that have to do with anything? st. valentine was martyred for marrying couples that weren't allowed to be married, and martyrdom and candy goes hand in hand, duh]

anyway, i'm not trying to make any sort of counter-culture with my anti-holiday movement, because counter-culture then becomes the culture, and in turn needs a counter-culture to counter it, meaning like counter-counter-culture-counter. yeah, that makes plenty of sense. i'm just bitching because i'm seeing the miserable masses getting appeased by something as dumb and hollow as a little holiday with little to no meaning behind it. instead of finding happiness within themselves and those around them, they're forced to use this as a crutch. like prescribed medication to inhibit your moods and whatnot.

'never have someone as a priority when they have you as an option'

words to live by. consider it a lesson learned. you're not getting a thing out of me!

the subway diaries

2007-12-04T00:14:00.000-05:00

so if i sold everything and went away

would you care?

if i disappeared without a trace without a word

would you search for me?

if i find love in the sea of hate

would you believe me?

if my heart shatters for you

would you respond?

if i died in the tragedy of life like you

would you console me?

[misunderstood?]

you ever wonder how many excuses you apply to your life at any given moment?

because i'm fucking sick of it

le whores!

2007-12-02T15:32:00.001-05:00

~~i <3 attention~~

psh. whatever, you only think i love your attention. it's a marvel to see what people are willing to do to capture it for an ADD-riddled moment. myspace is a prime example of how we suck as people. i have nothing new to add to the 'myspace sucks' argument, and i'll leave it at that.

but that's all it really is in essence, isn't it? a medium built for people to show off.. themselves. no redeeming qualities can really be found, just a lot of attention sluts one-upping each other in vying for your eyes. even when used as an advertising tool for the artists, it fails, because while it's a place for 'friends', it's really a place for 'memememememememe'. as a communication device it fails, because people are so caught up with themselves and their shit, messages and comments go unanswered

and the pictures. zomfgroflmao. i'm imagining the thought process of these shots.. and it scrambles my BRAIN. you'd think camera manufacturers would make it easy for people to understand the horrible, adverse effects of tungsten lighting, reflected surfaces, AND FOCUS. [end photo rant]

i can't go 5 minutes in life without having to run into ze undesirable people. school for example, contains an unholy amount of brown nosing hand raising asshats who must alwasy, ALWAYS show everyone else what they know. even common knowledge can't go unanswered, rhetorical questions get a lengthy explanation. it's like Capt. Obvious died and gave his legacy to everybody in the world, then Capt. Oblivious followed suit.

what happened to quiet, honorable dignity? to internal satisfaction?

i can't fucking compete-

and that's a good thing.

the anatomy of a freak FOUR<- because the last one didn't count

2007-11-26T21:24:00.000-05:00

maybe i'm sociably awkward because i grew up in environments that didn't do jack shit to help them grow and prosper. i had that horrendous run-in with the family in texas where all i really got was a couple inches off my waist and a tongue-lashing for every wrongdoing i could manage. surely, anything would be an upgrade to that, right?

wrong.

it's hard to compress two years of my life into a few short paragraphs, but i don't really want to spend anymore time than i have to at this point. it's even hard to really look back upon it, because there's so much turmoil and such little resolution, it's the first dark age of my life.

things were hard from the beginning. everyone knew my tendencies for screwing up and everyone thought they had the fool-proof way of getting me to stop. my sister and her husband, well, theirs were the worse. second to no one, hands down psychological abuse was carried out and tested in that house. power trips and exertion of authority ran rampant with not a single roadblock to stop it.

i remember being grounded a lot. sure, it might sound like a laughing matter, but i can count the number of weekends that school year i wasn't grounded.. all on one hand. i couldn't play during the week. kids would come to my house and ask if i could go outside, my sister would answer the door with a resounding 'no'. the smallest fouls would have the refs sending flags flying all over the field.

my friend had a trip to the water park that i was looking forward to. planned a month in advanced, and i made extra sure to be careful as to not get grounded that week. the day before, i was told to vacuum the house, and after inspection, it was declared that i didn't vacuum my room. [cough] i did the whole house, let me count it; two stories, the living room, dining room, office, hallways, master bedroom, my room, guests room one and two, all the closets, and the mats in all the bathrooms. i would do all those, but skip out on my room, which is a mere 15x15 with a queen bed in the middle of it?

i was being falsely accused and had the only thing i was using to get me through taken away from me at the last moment. that water park signified salvation. that water park told me that maybe it's not so bad, maybe they're doing it for my own good and the lack of positive reinforcement is paying dividends.. but i was stupid and naive, and things got worse because at that point, maybe i saw that no matter what i did, i couldn't win.

my grades started to slip, and if it's possible, the punishments got more severe. my brother in-law actually forced me to set up the camcorder, and record myself doing homework for the entire duration of tape, until my sister got home from work. no lie, i sat at the table, with a camcorder transfixed on me, for three hours a day. monday-friday, i sat for three hours doing homework under the eye of my guardians.

with the passing weeks, my psyche declined as my grades rose. the fight in me was lost, the once defiant youngster was merely a facsimile of its former self, now one without much a soul and without meaning and without something, someone to make sense of it all. the world became a dark chasm without a light in the horizon.

and then one day, after school, i ran away from home.

the contrast is startling

2007-11-23T21:45:00.000-05:00

life tends to offer startling contrast.. to what? to everything. our happiness, our hopes, our dreams, everything.

the things that are supposed to make us happy in turn are the things that drive us into the ground. i know you've heard it, 'the things we own in turn own us.'

i'm selling my carl zeiss glass. as nice as it is, juggling the ownership of the lens or seeing my friends this holiday, it's a nobrainer. i can always buy the lens, it'll always be there and be available, but living, breathing human beings are a touch more fleeting, especially when they take a liking to you :D

if you saw my camera list, you can easily see the tight spot it put me in for the amount of money i spent on it all. one thing led to another, and accumulation became the name of the game, seeing how much i can get rather than thinking of how i can create beautiful imagery with what i already have in my possession.

learning how to want, that's an amiable goal to have. being happy with what we have, that sounds like a nice way to live. loving life and not toiling with its intricacies too much, that's something to strive for.

in gawd we trust

2007-11-22T01:24:00.001-05:00

i needz money for chaunauka and kwanzaa. anyone want to front me moolah?

i don't have a picture for this

2007-11-17T05:32:00.001-05:00

but godamnit, i'm going to more black parties.

body weavin' bumpin' grindin'

the juice was week, and the dj was.. bad.

but the people. standard north philly basement. no more than 20ft wide, 100ft in length, FILLED to the brim with bodies. and when you get than many bodies in one room exerting all that energy, it fills up like a sauna and before you know it, you're sweating from head to toe, your thighs burn because that girl your dancing with makes it insistent that she try to impregnate herself with her clothes on and you're pushing back so hard, you start to chafe.

and it's all night. next song, you move on. the bitch clowns you, you move on. fight your way through the crowd, so much contact you swear its molestation is the lowest form. you move on. slide right up behind a girl and start bumpin' away, and if she's feelin' you, it's on for the next 5 minutes, you're her man. fucking with your clothes on, that's what it looks like. you're against the wall, her ass digging so far into your crotch, it's deep penetration without the penetration. she's bent over, a lyrical doggy-style going down.

you take a seat, and someone will come sit on your lap, grind away as the beat goes and the record skips, because hey, the dj is sub par. but even in those 5 seconds of silence, she keeps going as if it never stopped. she goes like it got louder.

and on and on..

big sky

2007-11-16T03:40:00.001-05:00

something with the setting sun that connects you to your soul.

shhhh, don't ruin the moment with philosophical babble, hieu!

just know you feel at peace.. ahhhhh, that's nice :D

UGH

2007-11-12T20:46:00.000-05:00

apologies end here. questions end here. snapshot, this is it. silver bromide set into the emulsion of the film, exposed, finished. no going back, because life has no reverse.

reaching a lil here;

if you didnt expect me to do anything, how did you expect YOURSELF to feel?

well, when you showed some positive feedback after i left, i felt great. i thought that we were going to be fine that things were going to go along as they were. then the bottom came out from underneath my feet.

Thanh and I have been together for almost 4 years. If it were 4 months, that would have been different.

how would it have been different? i conceded to your relationship with him, and wanted nothing to change on your end. had the letter still remained, i made my position more than known.

I complain about him alot, I know. Maybe i shouldnt have complained to you.

maybe you should, because it makes me aware of the situation in your life, which is what i'm ultimately concerned with in this ordeal.

Maybe I wasnt ready for such a confession, in such little time we've known each other. It caught me off guard SO much, you dont even know. I guess I had a feeling that you somewhat liked me.. but not all of that. I respect you so much. I dont want to hurt your feelings, HP.

that's me. but you won't tell me how it caught you off guard. i'm unaware of your feelings, because you haven't spoken with me, and i'm still in the dark. i would know if you told me. and you know what? i had a feeling you liked me. all i hear is how involved you are with thanh, but little of how involved you are with me. he's not the grunt of our situation, it's you and me in this ordeal.

and the respect, what have i done to earn it? i don't even know what it is you respect in me, and as far as my feelings are concerned, i've done enough on my own right, you can't hurt them much more.

and recently;

what did you expect me to do after you told me?

nothing. take my feelings and lock them away. they're safer kept out of the light.

it seemed as if you, jokingly but seriously, wanted to kinda say good bye..

not true. i wouldn't do such an outright thing at this point in my life. friends are precious and are few and far in between.

You wanted a response. You wanted a reaction.

response, maybe, with time. reaction, no.

A reaction? Its what you live for, isnt it?

i live for the moment, not the moment to come. reactions are all occurrences to an action, the latter of which i'm much more interested in.

You wanted to freak me out, take a risk, and see if your life would change..

i need stability in my life right now. i risked it, but i felt the need to. trust me, this isn't working out for me anymore than it is for you.

it being for the better, or worse. Didnt really matter to you, right. You'll move on.

life's biggest tragedy is life itself. instead of us feeling hurt about something worth aching over, we're feeling badly about something we have direct control over. i no longer do, but it's in your hands now. moving on is a requirement whether we feel it's time to or not, that's the reality, not the way i want it to be.

I still dont know what you want. I dont know how to be the same person dude. I dont. Dont hate me for it. I dont like myself that much right now. you put me in a wierd position. i still want to be friends.. but i dont know how.

i want you back as my friend. i'm sticking out my neck to make it happen with shaken heads along the way. maybe it's too much to ask for the same phung the first time around, BUT CHANGE IS IMMINENT AND UNAVOIDABLE. wouldn't you agree that we have these experiences that shape and make us who we are? that maybe our friendship had to have this fucking bump in the road? either it would rattle us apart or test our resolve, and as much water as i'm throwing off the ship to keep it afloat, it almost seems like you're ready to go overboard.

i don't hate you. i still like you. a lot. as a friend. you were my emotional dump off, and the reason you brought your issues to me is because i was equally effective as being yours. i was pretty hurt these past few days because i thought i effectively killed a good thing. you're not the only one in the weird position, but i'm moving out of it.

so here it is. questions answered, feelings revealed. regrets, desires, fulfillments, all laid bare.

a boy without mischief is like..

2007-11-10T14:16:00.001-05:00

..fall without foliage.

I wonder if the coming of the fall has any significance to me at this point. The ending of a season ushered in by the death of those things we find beautiful surrounding us. The dying in itself is graceful and profound, very much unlike what we normally experience when things die.. which is usually something horrendously violent, grief-filled, desperate, and always with a helping of body fluids. Yummy.

[HA, thought I was going for something beautiful and poignant there, huh?]

So PHUNG, why with the hostility? Why would I, the gracious and friendly Hieu, ever be so damn mean? Is that what you want me to feel towards you? I think it's ridiculous, and if I were sober enough last night, I probably would've said something different besides 'my feelings are undeterred.' When I put myself out there the other night, it was about flipping the world the bird and going with it. Social obligations, friendship structure, etc. etc. I was throwing all that behind me and just doing what I know, which is conveying human emotion. Stripped down and pulled clean, and I fucking rock at it.

People don't know how to take me, and it's because they're afraid to connect on that level with me. I kid you not, they're afraid to see what I see and feel what I feel. It's beyond them, they'll never understand. But you tried, and I commend you for that. Maybe I like you because you tried, that you weren't so quick to come to terms with me being a philosophical asshole who wants to look at everything the opposite of everyone else. LAWL, you were even awesome at it.. kinda.. sorta. :D

Who knows, maybe you'll have the capacity to look past this and continue to be friends with me, so you said yourself. I'm not gonna try and act cool and say 'what happens, happens,' but Phung, it'd mean a whole lot to me if you tried.

And so, like the trees, which regrow their leaves after the harsh winter, I hope you can regain your confidence in time to see me in the same light you did before all this came down. Looking forward to our next heart to heart.

PHUNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

2007-11-09T17:41:00.000-05:00

What is up with the double standards? Man, can someone, ANYONE, explain it to me. PHUNG, yes, PHUNG, tell me because you're the apparent-all-knowing-all-advice-giving person who is the Asian-female version of Hitch. By her word, she can hook any male, disfigured and all, hook them up with some hottie. She guarantees this, if I remember correctly, something along the lines of, 'Hieu, even with your ugly mug, I can get you a bona fide super model.' I began to interject that my mug is hotter than hot fudge straight from the Hershey machine, but she was having none of it. 'It's eeeeeeeeeasy Hieu, you just gotta listen to me.'

Oh dear lord. I just have to listen to you? How could this possibly be easy?

But! Before I embark on this journey to becoming a more fitting boyfriend for the ladies, I have to get some things off my chest [it's not over yet, Phung xp].

Why is trying too hard a bad thing? And why is it a turn off? What social phenomenon has turned what's undoubtedly something good into something deemed so unattractive? What makes it that women prefer a guy who is so nonchalant?

'I don't care, therefore I bang the bitches left and right.'

aslkfhklsjafhkabdkbsaiufbiwabf

this scrambles my brain so hard it makes we want to go live in the woods and hunt squirrels and lick lichen off of rocks. What, are women afraid that the guy who will put forth effort will make them happy? Afraid of happiness and a sense of being wanted? What is it? Please explain, I'm a little behind the STUPID-SOCIAL-CURVE here, therefore making me= very fucking dense.

What I do understand; a guy trying so impeccably hard that he has to be some sort of obsessive-psycho, and any relations with said obsessive psycho will end in an untimely death and/or missing limbs. Just tell me why some bloke who genuinely likes someone and enjoys their company, who's willing to put on an effort to show they care, gets no love. effort=no punanny.

Next point in line.. my unwillingness to fight for a relationship.

So, women hate a guy who shows they care, but hate it when they don't fight for said womens love.

Is that not contradictory? Who the hell made these rules that conflict so much? You know who I am, you apparently figured me out, and so you know I'm very much a person of heavy IDEALS. Ideals, morals, blah blah blah and that good stuff. But then you'd know I also believe that human nature in itself is oft UNPREDICTABLE and NONSENSICAL. Because my ideals tell me that no woman is worth the anguish and the fight.. doesn't mean I mean it. :P

Jealousy is a nasty thing, emotions, man, they make us do some ugly shit we never thought we were capable of. So I say if my significant other falls for someone else, so be it, it was never meant to be, let her go and I'll find another. Funny, things are very easy to say, but to act out and live the situation, who knows what would actually unfold. Hieu might just have to slap a bitch to make her come to her senses.. of course, I'd never do such a thing, but in a world where a retard becomes president and I find a way to get pussy, anything is possible.

I guess that last point wasn't really a question, but a statement. So answer the first one, and I'll come up with lots more, Ms. Hitch.

[this subject has caused me to get shitty until i passed out]

hurry! get the sharpie and draws penises on his face and stuff!

your lunch, sir, is on fire

2007-11-09T01:50:00.000-05:00

should've seen the flame on this thing when i fetched it. you can see a lil hint left, but when i heroically pulled this burning dish from my toaster oven, the flames must've been like 10ft high. no kidding.

my mom and dad don't realize what i just did today. i saved their precious house from disintegrating into itty bitty ashes. they argue, 'it was your lunch you left unattended..' followed by head shakes and groans that indicate, 'we've raised an absolute moron. a grade-a reject who would make a special-needs home look like a fountain of knowledge. lord, where did we do oh so wrong?'

but i'm oblivious to it, for today, i am victorious. today, i stand taller, prouder, and slightly more arrogant. i saved a household from certain doom, and cast a light of profound clarity upon a dainty damsel so bright, she will forever be deafened by the mere sounds echoing any likeness to hieu. and it's damn arrogant to say such a thing to someone you knew only 4 months, but seems like much, much longer.

whether it's a good thing or bad thing.. i dunno, remains to be seen, but the burden of my heart was freed. FREED DAMNIT, freed like the wallowing doves being released from the clutches of a magicians hat, freed like the thrashing waters violently smashing upon the levies in new orleans, just fucking freed. and the entire time, i was the one holding myself captive :D

SO IT'S TIME, time to stop proclaiming myself the next coming of [insert something/someone great here] and show it.

no need to go it alone

2007-11-06T21:48:00.000-05:00

because when i was on those train tracks, i needed to hold someone's hand. same i figure with the other things in life.

make ammends

2007-11-02T22:04:00.001-04:00

i'm going to email sandy. the infamous ex. the destroyer of dreams and hopes and.. well, that's all false, really. i'm going to email her and apologize. apologize for being a bad boyfriend, for not being there emotionally, for being the wrong things at the wrong times. i honestly couldn't have misstepped any worse, save for murdering her mom, setting her car ablaze, and having sex with her best friend. and to believe some people actually do those things, it's rather appalling.

but she reached out to me last year on my birthday. i ignored the email and went about my miserable existence, and thought how well i got over the situation, and how great it was to be set free. funny thing is, i never really got over how bad of a boyfriend i was, because i kept comparing myself to what i see from other boyfriends, jee, i was a shining example, a knight amongst the surfs! i always thought how much better of a boyfriend i would be to a lot of the girls i knew and met, thinking so highly of myself i went and printed myself a 'best bf in the universe' award.

sorry, blatant lie, i would never print such a thing, but i did hold myself highly in the regard of making a fantastic significant other.

then it hit me recently, how much of a lie all that was. i was a bad, negligent partner, and i'd make as lousy a boyfriend as they come. sure, i won't beat or maim or torture her, but she'll fall to the wayside, no less, and all the roses and all the beautiful dinners by the candlelight won't save that. i'm going to make ammends, and maybe i can show that i've grown up a little, maybe i can display that change is within my capacity.. maybe i can say i'm sorry for being to selfish and wrong, that it won't happen to whoever is next.

and maybe i can finally move on.

photography has taken over my life

2007-11-01T22:19:00.001-04:00

this is me holding a camera from the 70s. the body, the lens, the flash, all older than i am. the oldest, also the cheapest; free. it still works, too, that's the crazy thing. but it gets used 0% of the time.. well, .01% if you count it as a prop in this shot.

so, i'm going to attempt to total my costs for photography since july of this year [trying for chronological order, too]:

sony alpha a100k: $650.00
minolta xtsi, minolta 50mm f1.7, and minolta 28-85mm f3.5-4.5: $80
adata 2gb cf card: $35.00
minolta 50mm f2.8 macro: $235.00
minolta rc-1000 cable release: $15.00
calumet photo bag: $60.00
calumet medium tripod with head: $110.00
minolta 70-210mm f4 beercan: $100.00
tiffen haze-1 filter for 55mm thread: $10.00
hoya uv filter for 55mm thread: $10.00
sunpak uv filter for 55mm thread: $10.00
minolta 135mm f2.8: $100.00
cokin filter system with yellow and orange filter: $25.00
minolta maxxum 7 film body with vc-7 grip: $375.00
konica-minolta 5600hs-d flash: $250.00
minolta rc-1000L cable release: $15.00
manfrotto 190xprob tripod: $150.00
induro sa23 ball head: $80.00
sony 16-80mm f3.5-4.6 carl zeiss: $660.00
heliopan es 6 uv filter for 62mm thread: $45.00

devastating total: $3,015.00

that's not even including film, paper, developing costs, or even tax..

anything in orange indicates a good deal, yellow indicate incredible deals, and black is.. meh. the way i shop, i'm never in a position to get raped on a product. overspending is a no-no, and to think i dropped a good 3Gs on photography and its accessories makes me a little nauseous..

can i be stopped?

i want to post

2007-10-31T23:02:00.000-04:00

but blogger isn't letting me upload pics.

guess i'll go finish writing that letter i started!

i could do this, but.. i dunno. the image is small.. and if i try to post the medium, it goes over the borders. if i put insert it through bloggers image uploader, it squashes is and doesn't render the pixels correctly.. just can't win with me sometimes.

but the smallness.. i think i can get used to it, no?

my mom's, she'll put a hurt on me if i don't go to bed soon..

after the letter!

ADAM

2007-10-29T22:44:00.000-04:00

hope you enjoy your [mine :P] psp mate.

the scent

2007-10-23T23:31:00.000-04:00

when i was in juvie, i remember smothering my face into the letters i received from my family and friends. it was a sensual escape, my sense of smell had the chance to be free from the confines of my small, dimly lit room to brighter, happier pastures. every letter held a different scent, every scent led to a different sensation, every whiff sent me to a better place.

ely's letters always seemed like a bouquet being unleashed upon me when the guard would bring them by. to think about it now, every letter smelt sweet and welcoming, hinting at what awaits for me outside these walls. it was the height of my days and nights, awaiting the arrival of a new letter, accompanying with it tales of a world where freedom is alongside you with each and every fleeting moment, every new letter let me in a bit of that, even if the environment wasn't conducive for anything more than the cold, long arm of the law, offering no solace for souls who cried for more.

as i've been fortunate in life, my secret pleasure was lost upon many in that place, not knowing what it was i felt because they had no one to do the same for them. their only comfort came when they were able to close their eyes and let it slip away, but as soon as a new day arose, the misery takes to its post to ensure that it would be another day in the grind. those guys were truly alone, with no one but themselves to console them.

since i got out, i always made it a point to liven up whatever space it was i slept in. it doesn't serve as a reminder, i wish it did, but it helps ease me into a comfortable place, a place i don't mind calling my own.

Flickr

2007-10-19T16:38:00.001-04:00

This is a test post from , a fancy photo sharing thing.

every story

2007-10-15T23:15:00.000-04:00

must have a beginning, middle,

and END.

i'm going to sleep now.

MAN

2007-10-09T18:36:00.001-04:00

why the fuck not?

2007-10-06T21:26:00.000-04:00

i love overloading this thing with pictures, it makes up for the lack of words and actual content. like tv. lets show them lots of hot people and hope they don't notice the bad writing and lack of character development, plus that boom mic sticking out in the frame [i'm talking to you tarantino].

i'm going to steal that flag and drape it around my naked body. 9-12, never forget.

oh the humanity

2007-10-04T14:16:00.000-04:00

wishing you could all die makes it easy to go forth sometimes.

baby

2007-10-02T18:02:00.001-04:00

like you don't even know.

[green day comes to mind]

wake me up, when september ends.

and september is over. no more blitz, i'm done. back to my measly once a week posts, and thank god..

it couldn't have come at a better time.

[sings to himself]

i'm sick of feeling my soul
to people who'll never know
just how purposeless and empty they've grown..

yeesh

2007-09-30T18:48:00.001-04:00

the mind is a freaky thing.

learning how to tame it.. is a challenge, to say the least.

the heart's a fragile thing

2007-09-29T01:25:00.000-04:00

take out an artery, and you're done.

i've been thinking back a little bit, with my experiences in life thus far, and the thing i seem really deficient in is the lack of personal relationships. immediately after sandy, my epic-ex, there was kayla. shit, sandy was still living with me when kayla and i hooked up.. or should i say, kayla hooked me, line and sinker.

the night we hung out, we went to the beach and chatted. it was funny, the car ride there seemed so distant, but as soon as we hit the beach- BAM- it was on. after the tumultuous ending of sandy and i, she was the most refreshing thing, exaclty what i needed to absolutely get back on my feet. she fell into every ideal, nothing was there for me to really fault her on.

and when we kissed, it was amazing. after kissing the same lips for over 2 years, hers felt infinitely softer. after meaningless makeout sessions that droned on for the past year, this connection felt so genuine and true that i was.. falling in love.

it takes a lot to write that, because i was at such a weakened state. she had me in the palm of her hands, and before i knew it, it was gone. i was left with my heart in my hands after having just given it to her. maybe that's why i'm so weary about it happening again, because thought it wasn't anything devastating, it wasn't fun. it's so important finding out the intentions, so that if it is a time-bomb, i can lessen the impact of the blast.

and so, i fell too easily, and i can't help it, i just wanted to love, and love is all i wanted in return.

the story hasn't changed since. i'm still searching for that elusive girl to call my own.

~

You build atomic bombs, wage wars, murder, cheat, and lie to us and try to make us believe it is for our own good.

yet we're the criminals.

hack

2007-09-28T12:05:00.000-04:00

there's a distinct difference between barry bonds homerun record chase and brett farve's claim as top td slinger thus far in the nfl.

the san fran giants sacrificed everything for bond's hr record. they have the worst record in their division and have has losing seasons as of late. instead of building a winning team, they built a team that milks the publicity of a steroid induced cheater. everyone outside of san fransisco despises barry bonds. the man came into the league weighing in at less than 190lb, and he ballooned to 245lb+ late in his career, over a 2 year span. if that's not indication enough of how much doping he's been doing, maybe it's the fact that his head grew an astronomical amount. rick reilly of SI asked when he's inducted into the hall of fame, will they make his head on his bust a size 7 1/2 [size it was when he entered the league] or the 8 1/2 it resides at now.

he was gonna make it to the hall of fame even before he started on his performance enhancing ways, so why overdo it, barry? sit down, you sucked what purity remained in the lame lame game of baseball.

and brett farve, on the other hand.. man, what a player. started every game for the last, i dunno, 70 years for the packers. tied dan marino's td record, which sits at 420 as i type. it's kind of a cold reality, because peyton manning will eclipse whatever mark farve gets to. but you see the manner in which farve accomplishes this feat; the packers have absolutely no run game and the receivers, beyond driver and jennings, hardly much of a receiving corp, and a porous o-line.

but his energy is outstanding. he goes onto the field and with that energy, gives it to his players. they feed off of him, and what was to be a bum green bay packers, is one-of-two teams in the nfc standing at 3-0 [along with them 'boys].

so, while bonds is a hack who will be practically shunned because of the way in which he got the record, farve will lavish in it, because he did it with integrity and a love for the game.

you athletes remember the latter? love of the game, do it because you can't see yourself doing anything else while you still can.

i'm le tired

2007-09-27T17:43:00.000-04:00

you know, i think the reason i don't write in a personal journal is.. because i'm an attention whore.

'look at me! look at me! i WRITE things! yaaaaay!'

psh, yeah, whatever, totally lame. the past month has been a fun exercise in writing, cause if you looked, i averaged about 4 posts a month.. once a week. not much at all, and i have thoughts and ideas swirling around in my head all day. things i just wished i put down on paper or through the computer.. but nothing ever came of it. i know a lot of my post this month have been.. for lack of a better term, utter shit, but at least i came and put something down. before, it was 'brilliant thought!' with absolutely no follow-through.

but i got better at it.. well, a little better anyway.

and you may have noticed some steamy subjects. in all honesty, i wish i could put more of them up. this post comes to mind. i can't help myself really, my personality and they way i present myself.. it's all sexually charged. harmless for the most part [except for anal-wednesdays], and i just like to have fun with it. you know, i don't get ass every day [or any for the last year], so if its my perverse release, then damn it, get out of the way. it might be messy.

and sure, that stuff can be a little personal, and it may be too much info, but man, it feels great putting it out there, along with anything else i feel proud of. my pictures, i love them, and i'm sure everyone can find one they love, too, of the hundreds i have posted. my topics? something for everyone, every once in a while. methodical, philosophical, personal, comical, sexual.. it's all there. the ranges are all there, and it helps show who i am.

and thanks. i know the readership is smaller than anything floating around on the web, but to know at least one person comes on here is great. thanks youri. thanks phung. thanks nimmie. and sometimes, thanks lindsay. i know brady used to come on here, and even though we don't talk anymore, thanks [jerk].

[edit]
image.. now has the 'nike' 'leave nothing' motto.. i'm pathetic, i know :P

i feel all flowery

2007-09-26T21:33:00.000-04:00

despite the fact that i just learned some heinous things about my family.

a haunting

2007-09-25T22:24:00.000-04:00

you know, we're not capable of seeing everything. it's not possible, really. those who love to keep up with the celebrity gossip or world's current affairs.. they're clueless. they're looking out to keep from looking in. gnaw on that. [why is 'gnaw' spelled with a 'gn'?]

you know, you can spend an entire lifetime exploring your immediate surroundings.. and you may never, ever be able to figure it out. your immediate family, your closest friends.. what are they in essence? i do not know. they're interaction pieces, all pawns in your game of chess. a game you play with everyone, and who knows what the next move will be?

the world's deep, dark secrets? they're nothing compared to the ones floating around you.

1 h8 m47h0RZ

2007-09-24T20:04:00.000-04:00

but i love boobies

eiomton

2007-09-23T23:46:00.000-04:00

i read somewhere that if you mix up the interior letters of a word, you can still read it. we're apparently trained to do so. i would attempt to do it right now, but.. i'd probably lose the essence of what i'm trying to write about right now.

anyway, if you had trouble with that word up there.. it's 'emotion'. i get emotional over everything.. looking at this picture gets me all emotional.

i look at the flower, and it makes me feel all warm inside. it takes me to an older time when i was surrounded by foliage and cool autumn air. i can't help but get a smile from the nostalgia i feel, it's conducive of the image, you know? the feeling of happiness just overflow, because the changing on the seasons almost seems like a changing of the guard in a sense. out with the old, in with the new! and it'll be oh so beautiful when the leaves start to turn.

did you know that foliage is actually better to photograph in overcast, rainy days? it saturates the leaves, giving them more pop. good to know.

then there are images of tragedy and pain.

i wonder what happened to it? i'm pretty sure my cat got to it.. but i was drawn to the idea, not so much the image. i was watching something on ww2 today, and the site of dead bodies everywhere.. that's something to behold. life is so precious to us.. it's just hard to imagine it gone in that instant. one moment, you're alive and ticking, next thing, you're slumped over, done.

and death is one of those tricky things. you never know when it's going to happen, and it's a little disheartening. i have a hard time coping with it and have so many varied opinions on it. depends on when you ask me; most the time, i feel life's too short and unpredictable for us to live it in the opposite manner. plan for the worst, hope for the best y'all! as if. people tell me to stop playing and get on with my life; if i stop playing and start setting up for my life, then i'm playing the cards that i'm gonna make it past a point long enough to reap the benefits.

thing is, i'm really bad at gambling, so i sorta live for the moment, do what i please whenever it pleases me. it's unorthodox in this family and weird considering my upbringing stressed the opposite of what it is i'm doing.. but you know, if i died tomorrow on their path, i wouldn't have done the things i've done, and that's a sad note to leave on.

and those people, what if they thought the same thing?

'shit, i never got to change the lives around me for the better'

'damn, i never asked her out'

'i never made it to europe, africa, the asias..'

i want to limit the 'things to say before i die' to as little as possible.

but you know, sometimes, all you need for peace in your soul is the sight of something beautiful to quiet the rumblings.. stop thinking. just do what feels right, and all will be right with you.

YO SON

2007-09-22T06:55:00.000-04:00

lighten up, nigga. life's too short to be all mad and shit.

but it's kinda too short to be messing around all the time, too. i don't get what it is with me and being how i am; lazy, unmotivated, lack of passion.

HIEU, WAKE UP.

where's that ever smiling child with hopes and dreams so big, anne frank would feel inadequate? you know, that kid with that glean in his eyes and a face that looks to have the sun forever shining upon it? you know what happened to him? he was here not too long ago.

HIEU, GET UP.

the kid with the aspirations. you know, those aspirations of changing the world and having his face on a box of wheaties or some corny shit like that. i'm telling you, that kid was as free as the birds..

HIEU, COME ON, MOVE.

..or was he? kinda did seem like the weight of the world would rests on your shoulders when you want to change it. but maybe the kid realized some things. maybe he realized that just saying these things won't bring them about. maybe he realized that the world is a truly cruel, cruel place, and that brought him under.

HIEU, HURRY THE FUCK UP, WE HAVE TO GO.

but maybe the kid was just waiting. waiting for what? waiting for the most opportune time to pounce, because even if the world is cruel and unfair, he has the innate advantage of peering through it and still smile in the face of adversity, and hell or high water bearing nazis can't bring him down.

HIEU, PLEASE, FOR YOUR SAKE.

but the kid is still hiding, apparently, doesn't think its time to come out yet. a shame really, people might be able to learn a thing or two from him. but what's causing him to hide? what's keeping him from showing his brilliance?

HIEU..

you crazy kids!!

2007-09-21T23:59:00.000-04:00

stop swimming in them trees! yous gonna break yo face fo christs sakes!

oh nos el toros

2007-09-20T23:20:00.000-04:00

you dropped your pocket

2007-09-19T21:35:00.000-04:00

night time sky

2007-09-18T23:46:00.001-04:00

you pretty much have to blow it up to see it.

just like people.

save the world

2007-09-17T07:10:00.000-04:00

The feeling is of nothing that can be described by someone of my standing. Maybe the great authors of our time can weave a tale that emulated the emotions which practically bleed from the situation.

The situation itself.. I can’t even describe, something so basic in nature, so careful in its execution, so nurturing in its meaning.. Perplexes the mind, calms the soul.

I wouldn’t have enough room in this space to free what I felt. Give me all the space in the world, all of our universe, our cosmos, with its every expansive space showing absolutely no end, showing the infinite of all infinity, and I wouldn’t have the capacity to tell you how I felt what I felt.

No metaphor could possibly do the subject justice, even if it were piled atop each other and melted and combined. It couldn’t hold a candle to this feeling. And if you tried, it’d be as inadequate as anything you could think up.

And as inadequate as I may be, I’ll give it a shot, because I have to. I rekindled the feeling, so it’s my duty to make sure it remains so.

She was leaving. It didn’t pain me to watch her go, but out of courtesy, I tailed to say goodbye. We hugged our last hug.. When our bodies embraced each others, something came out of me. From the bottom of my stomach, it felt, it erupted through my body like a live geyser. I grasped her tightly and she followed. Our souls locked into place and began to rejoice as we held fast and our lips met.

In that moment, time stopped. All that mattered was that we had each other, and nothing could taint that; not the problems plaguing my life, the issues in our world, not even impending or imminent death could remove me from where I was, because it rendered everything perfect. In that moment, love conquered all, and we were the epitome of all that is right in the world.

This love, untainted by greed, selfishness, and lust poured like a fountain without end, dancing and swirling around us as to clutch the moment and keep it on hold, because it lasted a lifetime, maybe two. The sun pierced the impenetrable clouds, and we were elevated for all to see, and if god’s plan all along was to make us the gleaning, glistening example of what love should be. And even if I’m wrong, my heart tells me it’s right, I’m right, and she tells me it’s right without ever uttering a single word.

it hurts me

2007-09-16T22:38:00.000-04:00

that he's hurt

do you like dags?

2007-09-15T15:14:00.000-04:00

yeah i like 'dags'

but i like caravans even more

grow a thick foundation

2007-09-14T23:28:00.000-04:00

from which to growwwwwwwwwwww

jump jump jump, everybody jump

2007-09-13T23:09:00.000-04:00

i said everybody

you gotta be kidding me

2007-09-12T22:00:00.000-04:00

swimming at night? after midnight?

are you really that surprised?

orly?

despite some of my crazy behavior, i'm quite a boring person. that's why i think any relationship i'll get into, will be a labor of 'i'm booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooored hieu.'

f'realz. and to make matters worse, i'm into chicks who have dicks [someone else's] and those who have about as much in common with me as michael jackson has with the human anatomy.. after my ex, anyway. i like.. the unattainable. maybe it's my soul telling me that i will be alone forever and ever.

but it doesn't know that there's a viet wife lurking around the corner.

complicated much? advice from the human guru: 2: the sequal: it's pretty ridiculous

2007-09-11T21:58:00.000-04:00

so, when do you say enough is enough? how much do you alter yourself and who you are to cling onto the one whom you love so much? life is a metamorphosis, isn't it? i know i don't show the same side of myself to my parents that i show to my friends.. and i'm sure whatever side you show your signature other isn't the same side you show to your secret lover. come on, what would your bf/gf think of you if you pulled out a buttplug attached to a drill? the lover wouldn't judge, they just want to use it after you're done.

but how far do you drag your name in the mud? how many redundant sacrifices do you make in the name of love? and is it even love after a while? what is it really? think.. LOVE.

you know what love to me is?

it's the feeling of exploration. like when lewis and clark when they set out explore america, i too am going over uncharted territories to discover what's beyond the surface. i'm clearing away the cobwebs of your soul and setting foot onto the mountain that is your being.

love is the intimacy of our touch, with each and every subtle caress sending lightening bolts through our bodies, every nerve sizzling with anticipation and every piece of hair standing on end.

just a couple examples of love..

but love is not, i repeat, is NOT, the taking advantage of one's soul in the sake of your advancement, and visa versa.

love is NOT something you turn on and off, it's there or it's not. i have a dick, if i didn't, well, i wouldn't be getting a genuine prosthesis, would i?

love definitely is not something you intimately share with others. everyone enjoys being fellatciated and cunnlingis.. ated, sure, who doesn't like to let out a nut every now and again.. but does it mean surreptitiously going about and letting yourself go? if the love is there, then you shouldn't have to go around sticking/get stuck behind that person's back.

i'd feel betrayed.. and inadequate. but since i know i'm not the latter, it must be a huge issue with the former. if trust is ever an issue.. then trust might always be an issue. the reason i'm so crazy about this is because i believe loyalty is.. huge, absolutely huge. i had a long distance relationship for a year and a half, and sleeping around was never, ever a problem.

and if you're feeling like you need to get ass outside of your relationship, and think you're in love.. in my book, you're a big, fat, despicable liar.

you're not supposed to show that side to the one you love..

and that's when you're out of love. when everything is on autopilot, and no one is really at the helms. you've stepped into the monotony of a stale relationship that offers, if nothing else, something to hang onto.. but is it worth it? is the uneventful trip that you're leading yourself through really worth the time and the energy? what time you lose, will never be returned. and are you willing to risk it for an investment that may never pay the same returns that it did in the beginning?

maybe i'm asking myself these questions.. because i know i did it.

but hey, everything is a matter of perception, baby. and your love.. who knows. it may involve buttplugs and monotony. but if the buttplugs and monotony aren't doing it anymore, is it worth doing?

chica chica yeah

2007-09-10T19:38:00.000-04:00

summer's on its way out. you ready?

no more bright nights

no more steamy days

no more short skirts and thongs

no more wife beaters and exposed chest hairs

no more sandals with bare feets, because you douchebags like to wear them with socks

no more bbqs while swatting at the flies and moquitos

no more trips to the beach..

but who knows what the fall will bring? [rhetorical question]

it can be fun

2007-09-08T22:28:00.000-04:00

getting caught with your pants down. now, do you roll with the punches or do you panic and get all embarrassed?

i gets along with the old people

2007-09-08T20:59:00.000-04:00

and i can't help it. they're more.. into me than the younger folk, to be honest. i think her name is rachael, i dunno, it's been 3 years. she's one of the few people i had chemistry with.. we were in advanced chem, too! haha, bad joke. anyhoo, it was unfortunate i was in a stupid long distance relationship, i liked her. but what makes her special is that she liked me too.

i come across as.. or i used to come off as a person who tried too hard, and you know what? people could tell, i think. i wanted to be someone that was liked by everyone, but that's not possible. i stretched myself every which way, and somewhere along the line, i realized that i will not be liked by everyone, or even liked by a few. [i think it occurred when i broke my ex's heart.]

unless they're old[er]. i have this weird thing with old[er] people; i can get along with them very easily. shit, sometimes, i wish i was old[er] just so i can stop associating with my peers, man, but i can't bang an old woman.. however, and older woman is not totally out of the question.. more on that later.

with my age group, i'm so late with the trends and the new shit that i'm lost half the time. i feel like i'm from another generation, as more and more of the things i'm supposed to like, turns out that it's something i absolutely do not like. and it doesn't get better with gen-x, either. the ones turning into their late 20s and early 30s, i'm absolutely beyond gone with them, and i feel so displaced that i swear i'm wearing a thong outside my pants.

but i carved my niche with old[er] people, as most of them have taken a liking to me. it's a shame, though, as my chemistry with them will only last until the end of the conversation, whereas my peers will still be around, on average, for another 40 years.

THe aNAtoMi3z OF teh F123@k iV: HaX0rs m@d l337 3D1T10nZ

2007-09-07T23:42:00.000-04:00

ok ok ok ok ok ok ok

so fuck, i'm a little weird. i can accept that.

but i won't accept are labels. do not label me, or attempt to label me. a label means that their is a belief, or an assumption, of who i be. you. do. not. know. me. all your analytical thoughts and psychobable result in just that. you can conjure up an image and say, 'yeah, that's hieu,' but you'd be so wrong, it's embarrassing.

i am who i am, and that in itself changes on a daily basis. today i'm angry. today i'm horny. today i'm so happy, i prance along down the street hugging strangers and kissing babies while throwing daisies every-which-fucking-way. and that image you had of me in your head, if i fit the description for just one day in my life, would you still claim to have me figured out? that you understand me?

and here's where i try to differ; go 'head, act like you know, i won't get wild, i'm not unlike anyone you've seen in a while. i won't argue to your face and defend my name and soul, i'll just turn the other cheek and realize that's the impression i gave to that person. but if you really know me, and psh, no one really does, you'd know that i don't beg for your understanding, for your acceptance to be considered normal, or to be considered different. i don't crave the attention that 'different' people desire so; the anonymity that the masses hold so dear; i only wish that people would take me as i am and realize that i don't want you to fold me up into a neat and simple idea.. stop trying to understand me, and instead, live with me. i promise i'll do the same if you allow me.

i think i've spent too long brooding by myself, i'm going to go find me a girl. a girl that will appreciate my brand of love [and loving] and hopefully will enjoy exploring as much as i do, and i don't mean gay 21-questions; i'm talking about connecting a level that transcends what we're used to, and obtain a love so peculiar, she'd remember me forever, even after our relationship ends, and she'd tell the story to her grandchildren about a love she once had..

i know, it's crazy.

i luv pussy

2007-09-06T19:55:00.000-04:00

i think there's something to be said about a person's willingness to go to lengths to please. i'm no stiff on numbers, but i think america is sexually repressed, even though everyone is having sex and getting into lewd conduct. how much of it is done for sheer joy? i dunno. how much is done for social acceptance? beats me. how much is done without pleasure?

apparently, a lot.

but you know, there's no need to wander if you keep it tight in the relationship, which means covering all the bases, right? good friendship, good trust, good sex.. good foundation thus far, no?

at least the good sex will keep you from straying, and by golly, if i had to pride myself on one thing, it'd be this;

eating pussy.

giving in nature is almost better than receiving. look at everyone volunteering and giving money to so-and-so for this-or-that cause; that positive outlet makes people feel damn good.

and that's why i do it. it's not that i'm particularly good at it [i'm amazing], i like bringing that person to levels of blisssssssssss they're not used to. after a hot make out session and babe is on the bed, legs in the air spread, i strap down, lick my big monkey lips, and go to town.

my face resembles a kid just getting done bobbing for apples when i'm through. i do good work, although it's been a while.

but man, the thought of my tongue running up and down that juicepot..

we all self concious

2007-09-05T17:47:00.000-04:00

i'm just the first to admit it
_kanye west

FrIeNdS

2007-09-04T21:49:00.000-04:00

friends friends..

hmmm, it starts with adam. i just got to ne high school, and i meet this kid in the lunch room.. the dude happens to be in my spanish class, too.. and he lives a block away from me.

and with that, a new friendship is forged.

man, for my last 2 years in school, adam was my best friend. we did everything together, because we were too cool to have any other friends, despite the fact that we're very different people. man, he even helped me get my first job, which was a gig at ruhling's seafood. we did the dishes, and who knew i'd be 2 years at that place? through all our differences, our friendship was for the best, even after things started separating us.. namely bitches, but you know how that goes. i got sandy, he got his girls, and we started seeing less and less of each other.. but let me tell you, his heart and his generosity makes him a shining example of a human being, and for that he's always in my heart.

and if it weren't for that job he had gotten me, i would've never met..

mr. tom watson.

he was a resident cook at ruhling's, and instilled some wisdom and outlooks on life as i was a still maturing pup [i still am]. spiritually, he's on another level than most people i know. i see him several times a year whenever he or his pals throw a party, they're all DJs. i remember 2 summers ago, i was at his place all the time because they set up speakers on every level and kept it that way because it was convenient. when he was in north philly, and through him, i'm mutual friends with;

drew, his best friend and a guy i feel like i could pick up right where we left off.

i see him maybe a couple times a year, and it's like we just hung out every time. this motherfucker is spinnin away right here..

nigga moves to cali when i move back to philly. why do we keep doing this?

and through them, i can hang out with all of them

all the friends group together, and it's kinda cool. i see them at every party they throw, whethers it in south st, manyunk, wherever, they're tight.

and, you deviate to my closest friend, youri.

he's been around since 05, i'm pretty sure that's when i adopted him. it seems like longer, but i think that's because we've been through so much together.. not stuff between us, but things in our lives. our first major breakups happened, my move to san diego and back, his issues and such.. it seems like it's been years more since we started hanging out, but time is just a measurement, and friendship cannot be defined withing something so narrow.

and new friendships are hard to come by. after i broke up with sandy [the ex], i soon after met a new girl and thought the world of her. i let out so much, and when i discovered it was all a scam and she was just having fun, i promised i wouldn't do it again.

so i have to be cautious of it all, i don't want to be hurt senselessly. so as i sit here, i'm trying to decipher the new relationships i'm involved with, if they're genuine, if they're sincere, if they want to be loved as much as i want to be loved.

but something ticks away and tells me i'm making a mistake, that instead of following my heart, i should follow logic and shield myself from the inevitable pain that's to follow because of how careless i was.

but you know what? i want to give it that chance to flourish and live, because love deserves that much of a chance, right? who doesn't enjoy being loved? it's an intense experience that fills you with something so much more worthwhile than anything i can possibly imagine..

but you have to hate it when things go wrong..

and things will go wrong, it's just the nature of things. but shit happens, and you live, you learn, you forgive.. blah blah blah blah blah, you move on. i remember the good times, and if that's what is shared, then so be it. it's a shame no new experiences will be had, but when the run's at its end, just accept it..

I AM FINISHED

2007-09-03T03:39:00.000-04:00

i'm done son.

my time at this place is through, and i'm ecstatic.

i've always believed there is so much more to life than monetary success.. even though the job was tolerable and at times enjoyable, i felt trapped. i was missing opportunities, like i was walking through life with my eyes closed and my ears plugged. i'm a simple being, i don't need much, contrary to the fact; i have a bunch of toys i could probably do without, but barring that, i could go on without many of them.

get rid of my toys, and what you have is a man ready to explore and enjoy and feel and and and and

live. the items don't make me, do they?

~

on another topic, it's september blitz. i'm going to attempt to write everyday. i missed the 1st, but i will try to make it up. everyday will have something telling you about me.

this should be interesting.

my other 100th post!!!!!

2007-09-02T16:12:00.000-04:00

this is the 100th post in which you can see. i'm actually at 115, because not everything is meant to be shared..

even though i know the 1 person who reads this shit. sometimes 2. 4 if they somehow stumble upon it by accident or i mention it..

i made a huge hoopla about my 1st 100th post, so this one doesn't really hold any meaning.

man, isn't that an awesome sky? i look at that and lose myself. i look up, and it's endless. extending forever and ever, a place without a single boundary. if you got picked up and started to float away, you'd float until all the problems disappeared, and you'd swim in the milky way, skate along the rings of saturn, take residence in the constellations, just..

be.

teh pr0n

2007-09-01T01:43:00.000-04:00

it's what makes me tick.. kinda.

if you haven't already figured out what that folder contains, then i must say, you are an idiot, sir.

but don't get me wrong, i must be an idiot for having over 17gb of pure smut on my hard drive, right? what the hell does one do with 17gb of porn? have a month-long masturbatory-fest?

'drinks are on the table, please, feel free to bring a towel and your own lotion, mine's may cause irritation.'

and yet i continue to fill that folder.

[exasperated sigh]

maybe it has something to do with what they do. i'll probably never fulfill a third of what goes on in these things.

and that's hot.

i honestly don't want to do a fifth of what i see. i would consider it, but i wouldn't want to right off the bat, it would probably take some convincing.

i would dive into half of the activities without hesitation, because they just seem like they would be fun.

i would never, ever do a tenth of them. animals? poo? octopusses? my dear aunt sally? zomg, major fail, major fail. my dick would recede, i'm sure.. well, ask, and then i'll make sure.

and after a while.. you just get tired of watching it, because it's all practically the same. most of it is so mechanical, you wonder why they even go through the motions. when a couple who are really into sex, there's fluid transfer. i mean, a woman in the mood=wet pussy and a guy who's horny= hard dick [unless he's impotent]. in so many of these, the girl looks so dry, you swore she was a lesbian doing it for rent or something, or maybe they patted her inside and out with a towel. there's no love in it, and it's a shame. you want to see people who enjoy their work, not someone who's just going to scream 'YES, RIGHT THERE, FUCK YA! YA! OH YA!' for a half hour.

lame.

i need to get some ass, i hardly ever delved into that folder when i was getting pussy regularly..

well, not that she allowed it, really :/

cali night

2007-08-15T03:51:00.000-04:00

come on now
can we take a few steps together
oooooooh

california nights
always seem
to
make
you
all
look
so
better

aren't they cute?

2007-08-13T01:57:00.000-04:00

not as cute as my babies though

san diego macro

2007-08-12T04:16:00.000-04:00

too many shitty wedding pictures.. so i'll put these up instead!

i got laid last august before i moved back to philly.. and i might be able to again, but while celebrating with my brother and his buddies on thursday, lil hieu jr. got into some serious action, and may be out for the count for a couple of weeks. no, it's nothing gay, as you may be questioning what kind of serious action it would get into with a bunch of guys. it was beach football, beach volleyball, and surfing.

sand+skin+lots of movement=horrendously painful rash

yes, it hurts that much i'm willing to pass getting puss. call me gay, call me what you will.

is god telling me to be celibate until i marry someone?

SLOW DOWN!

2007-08-08T05:45:00.000-04:00

yous gonna run them kids over dead!

how do you relax?

2007-08-06T02:02:00.000-04:00

i take expensive photo equipment into the flowing waters of the ocean

and i hurl myself down steep paths on a mt. bike

and i stick half of my body out of a fast vehicle to capture video

and i pet my cat

and i take pictures of flowers

and.. there are so many things, these are a few. what about you?

my weak week

2007-07-29T02:08:00.001-04:00

so.. lots of things this week.. i think. not really, i just wrote a couple things. i stayed the week up in new jersey, so i could finally stop driving back and forth everyday.. you know, leaving at 8 in the morning and coming home at 9 at night isn't as much fun as i thought it'd be.

enough chatter, let me see some pictures damnit!

a] i live in jersey now? the state i abhor? someone shoot me, it's one of the things i never thought i'd do, along with getting an apple computer.. which is alarm for mass suicide and homicide, all by myself!

b] after closing, i drove around for a bit, caught some dynamic shots of the setting sun and the rising moon. met these guys while i was filling up near the apt. i was staying at. cool group, happy to have some shots taken. the dude in the gsx-r [middle, blue] asked what magazine it was for! do i give off that vibe?

c] these guys were skatin' outside the store, and i had to get some action shots. when i came out of the store with the camera, they kinda went away. not sure if they were thinking i was trying to get them into trouble, but when i walked up and asked if they wanted me to take pictures of them skating, they were all for it. i was the proverbial, mental redbull they needed to attempt an ollie.. the last shot? the only successful landing.

d] got keys made. i have copies to the apt. and the store. some burglary is called for, no? also bought a lot of books. LOTS. i haven't purchased this many books since my freshman year, and those were mandatory. what the hell is wrong with me?

e] the store. not much to say, besides it's a place with a bunch of pretenders without formal training.

'hi, how may i butcher your hands/feet today?'

that should be our official motto. not sure how the boss would like that one, though..

f] if the eyes are the windows to the soul, then what's the mouth?

for some, it's the doorway with a wall very close to the opening ;P

g] explored the consignment shop next door. what a cool place, it's like a garage sale without the haggling.. you know, if you're 50.

h] it rained a little.

i] and i took off like a bandit. the longer i stay in jersey, the more convinced i am of becoming a real asshole.

weeks end

2007-07-22T23:34:00.001-04:00

JEE, what am i reduced to? counting the weeks? isn't it summer time? shouldn't the days and weeks meld together 'til it's time to go back to school? it should, damnit!

but, besides that, i'm missing out on living life; running around and playing in the grass with my cat, swimming in the ocean waters with my friends, sharing a laugh with my family.. these missed opportunities add up, and before you know it.. you're dead.

like van wilder quoted from someone undoubtedly smarter than the premise of the movie; don't take life too seriously, you'll never make it out alive.

i see you!

2007-07-18T22:34:00.001-04:00

i'm hooked! the camera is starting to become an addiction for me, i can't get enough. and the blue on the lens slightly turns me on.. that's normal, right?

i shot an image 2 days ago with a 30s shutter speed. this is on the opposite extreme, at 1/4000s.

lonely desperate asian looking for complete opposite m4w

2007-07-17T22:57:00.000-04:00

HI! I'm asian, you are not. If you are, move on, I have this weird thing of you reminding me of my sisters, which essentially turns me softer than frozen yogurt in the summer heat. How i'm supposed to plug you with that, I haven't a clue.. and I'll probably be crying during the act.. actually, if you are asian.. whatever.

HI AGAIN! As I explained, I'm looking for anything not remotely related to the asian race [maybe]. You can be white, black, albino, inside-out, it doesn't matter, I'm not picky and extremely flexible, as I'm sure you'd have to be in order to reply to this self-deprecating excuse of a human being. That's not to say I'm not hot; I am, I'm probably the sexiest asian beast you could possibly lay your eyes upon, and why women don't hound me on a hourly basis is far beyond my boundless asian comprehension.

I'm asian, so that means I'm short. Yes, 5'7" is short, and by thinking you're 5'8" with shoes on is not being honest. If I can't be honest on a post without a face-to-face, how can you expect me to be honest when you ask where half of your worn panties went [and half of those are period-panties]? and don't think 5'7" is average either, that's taking into consideration midgets and those legless from the waist down. So, if you are black, I'm going to be about eye-level with your tits most the time. If it's cool with you, it's cool with me.

I'm also a bit chubby. OK OK, I'm fat, but I move extremely well for a fat person, which I can directly associate with being asian, having that ninja/kung-fu gene we're all blessed with. And while we are talking about inheritances, my family does consist of a pharmacist and entrepreneurs, and I'm the only one that does nails. I copped out, but can you really blame me? That means I'll buy you a bunch of nice things and it'll make you feel better about actually having sexual intercourse with me.

The last part is a requirement. 'Me so horny' is actually something i blurt out, another inheritance. You know what they say about guys with big hands, big feet, big ears, etc.. only I'm asian, which negates all of that and leaves me with something roughly the size of a pencil you knawed on in 4th grade until it got to the metal eraser clip. 'That's so cute!!!' and 'my little brother has one like that!!!1!' has been said to me on a normal basis. I'm not offended, really! But, to compensate for that, I have a John Holmes add-on that will remind you of your black-ex, and my tongue stomps like those boys from 'Stomp the Yard.' Driving you wild with it is not a question of 'if', but a matter of 'how many neighbors will you wake up?' Hey, I have to make up for it somehow.

I'm asian, so that means I'm a geek. Yes, I will probably want to look at tech stuff more than I want to spend time listening to how your ex cheated and gave you syphilis [which you gave to me cause you didn't want to get tested] and will make a computer program to give out the appropriate responses as I masturbate to the newest Canon 1D MarkIII being compared alongside the Nikon D2xs with inserts of a Macbook Pro, all while intermittently scratching myself cause you possibly gave me crabs.

So there you have it! If you think you can hang with this hot hunk of man-boy, shoot me an email and we'll discuss why you could possibly even consider this after the 1st sentence. Hope to eat you soon!

2007-07-16T22:52:00.000-04:00

it's sooooooooooo easy to get caught up in a moment and be blind to all the movement around you. and i thought so highly of my ability to see and see clear. [sigh]

women

2007-07-15T22:21:00.000-04:00

29. Don’t believe the crap about the patriarchy. More women are accepted and attend college. More degrees are awarded to women than men. Women outlive men. More men commit suicide. Men are twice as likely to be victims of violence, including murder. If you consider sexual assaults in prisons, twice as many men are raped as women (society thinks prison rape is funny). The streets are littered with homeless men, sprinkled with a few homeless women. Statically, women are happier than men. The myth that girls are being cheated by are educational system is belied by the fact that schools are bastions of femininity, mostly run by and taught by women. Girls outperform boys in school. It is the boys in school getting fucked over, and prescribed ritalin for being boys. Real wages for men are falling, while real wages for women are rising. Just because someone says something enough times, doesn’t make it true. You have nothing to feel guilty about.

_craigslist best of guy

summer vol.1 [post 100!!!!!]

2007-07-10T23:57:00.000-04:00

summer if moving fast! what are you doing to make it worthwhile?

MEOW

2007-07-08T22:00:00.001-04:00

and why i can't roll around in the grass with him is absolutely beyond me..

represent

2007-07-06T00:34:00.000-04:00

zoom zoom

2007-06-30T23:59:00.000-04:00

[blink]

life comes and goes

2007-06-24T22:14:00.000-04:00

i was talking to my cousin, and she told me she wanted grandmom to be around for her wedding. i suppose it's sad when someone dies, but i don't know too much about that, i wasn't close to her..
but i know she was in pain after she broke her leg. i remember the car ride home, every swerve, every bump sent ripples of agony through her body. and after she got home.. i dunno, i wasn't around, but i heard her spirits were down. you know, after 83 years, you become tired.

and so, she left us. i don't feel sad, i feel glad for her, because she's done with the suffering. i smiled while in temple today, because we should really be feeling sad, not for those who have died, but for those of us who are still living.

she isn't suffering anymore.. but you can be damn sure that we certainly are.